psychedelicmess

onlinejounal
2001-05-01 00:56:33 (UTC)

riders on the storm

....i love the sound of thunderstorms. especially at night.
i feel pretty misplaced today, i mean i feel like something
is about to drastically change in my life and nothing
familiar and comforting will be around anymore. i know that
my friends are quickly changing and coming and going.....i
dont know where the hell ward has gone...and if we'll ever
spend anymore time together. i mean, hell, i'd call him and
like try to talk to him and stuff, but if hes going to be
busy all the time and work everyday in the summer, why
bother?
i mean....if theres an opportunity to let him go and not be
too devastated, i'll take it while i have the chance. i
refuse to beat myself up cause i still care about him and
want to spend time with him. if its not going to work then
fuck it. i'll forget about it. but is he wants to
show....i'm there for him, yeah...
I W I S H I S T I L L G O T H I G H
i miss the good ol' stoner days when mom and dad had no
clue i was fucking around with stuff. if i hadn't written
that goddamn letter they would have never known.....

and where is adam? i so, so, wanted him to come home
yesterday...cause like i consider him to be like part of my
identity...he's my brother and all, and he has influenced
much of my style and perspective. even though he's a very
unbalanced person, and quite neurotic....i still love to be
with him and hear the intelligent things he has to say....

i've felt ugly a lot lately. i wonder why. maybe.....is it
cause i know i'm ugly on the inside?
well no matter what the reason, i've felt so nasty and
unattractive for quite a while now. i wish had a body like
most girls my age. somehow i feel very, very inferior.
maybe i'm just going through a self-conscious phase or
something.