The Daily Babble
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2002-02-18 21:59:51 (UTC)

Valentine's Disaster--A long entry!

Well last week [Valentine's day especially] didn't go as well as
planned...actually it didn't go as planned at all! I'm annoyed cuz I
actually wrote everything out earlier and the computer at school
crashed so my whole story is gone! So let try this again....

So lucky for Adam, he did end up calling me on Wednesday and we
ended up going out for lunch. It was a good time. We went to Olive
Garden--the food was really good and we had a lot to talk about and I
felt better after that. We got back to NJIT with an hour to spare
before night class, so I went to the computer lab after dropping him
off at the dorms. But later that night, when I talked to Jeff--
things went sour...Apparently he didn't really want to hear about my
day out with Adam...Jeff was really quiet on the phone and didn't
have much to say so I just kept going on and on about my day...and
then he finally said that it made him feel bad hearing that I was
going out with other people and having a good time when he didn't
have anyone to turn to and stuff. What bothered me about that is
that Jeff never tells me how he's feeling until it gets so bad that
he can't hold it in any longer! That doesn't really make it easy for
me, you know? The only reason I kept talking was cuz he was so
quiet. I didn't know that it bothered him that I was going out or
that he really didn't want to hear about my going out. I know that
when he goes out, even if I'm upset that I'm not there with him, I
still want to hear about everything that went one and I didn't know
that he didn't feel the same way! So we ended up having a pretty bad
conversation where I like cried most of the time and then we just
decided to get off the phone since the conversation wasn't going

Now this brings us to Thursday--which by the way was Valentine's
day. It was a terrible morning. What I had originally planned was
to go down to Interet with balloons and a flower and surprise Jeff.
But after the previous night, it didn't feel right..but I still
wanted to go down and see him-considering we have major unfinished
business! We exchanged some heartwrenching emails throughout the
morning until I finally decided to drive down. The way down, I just
kept replying his last email in my head and I ended up like crying
the whole way! He even called at one point but I couldn't really
talk cuz I was so upset. I'm sure that didn't make him feel any
better but I couldn't help it.

When I got there, it was definitely pretty awkward because I was
still upset/crying and he was trying to pull me together and not get
upset himself because he had to get back to work. It wasn't a very
productive get together because we really didn't talk about what
happened...we just tried to comfort each other even though things
felt weird. I gave him his Valentine's card--which was pretty
appropriate but it still didn't really fix things. I did tell him a
few things of how he needs to tell me right away when things are
bothering him and not turn himself away from me. On the phone he
said he was feeling numb and emotionless and that was scaring
me...along with the fact that he said he wasn't feeling the same love
for me! That was very scary because I was starting to think he was
falling out of love with me. So through my tears and being choked
up, I was asking him if he still felt the same way about me or if he
was forcing himself to love me. Of course he told me I shouldn't
even ask a question like that and that that wasn't what he meant. I
did believe him, but it was just something I needed to know and ask.
Eventually he had to go back to work...He didn't want to let go cuz
we were hugging each other a lot, but he finally left. I went to get
some lunch in the area and then I drove back to Interet--left him a
note on his car and drove back to school to meet with someone from my

I thought I was going to be ok not spending Valentine's day and
not having any plans with him, but I wasn't. I mean, it was my idea
afterall not to make a big deal out of Valentine's day and to save
money for Hawaii, but when I got to campus and heard everyone's plans
about the day/night and saw all the flowers/balloons/teddy bears, I
really started to regret it. I emailed him about it and while I was
in class, he called me back and told me that he didn't have to get
his dad, so if I still wanted to get together, he was game. That
made me really happy. Even though that meant me skipping night
class, I knew it was worth it.

So by the time he got out of work, I was there waiting for him.
It was kind of strange because we kind of picked up right where we
left off and we didn't really talk about what happened. I mean, in a
way, I guess that's good, but at the same time, sometimes I think we
should be able to communicate better, you know? But I think neither
of us wanted to bring it up since we were getting along so well. We
went to get me something to eat from LaStrada and walked through the
park until it got too cold! Then we went to Barnes & Noble to look
at books on Hawaii. That wasn't productive either cuz he's not much
of a planner so we just goofed off. He kept tickling me and I fell
over like twice! Which he thought was like the funniest thing ever.
After we left there we went to a few other stores and then drove over
to Charlie Browns. On the way over, I called Merissa and ended up
leaving two messages cuz I was cracking up on the first one. We got
drinks at CB's and semi talked and semi didn't. We just enjoyed each
other's company until it was time for me to go home. Besides we were
going to see each other the next day.

So Friday went really well! I left my house as soon as I could
cuz my parents were both home so I just wanted out of there! I got
to Jeff's a little before 9:00 AM! We hung out and enjoyed each
other's company and went to IHOP for breakfast. It seems so simple
but the food was SO good! We thoroughly enjoyed it! Afterwards we
drove over to the Great Adventure outlets which was only like twenty
minutes away. The place is so nice! We ended up walking around the
whole place but only buying from Pac Sun. We got me a bathing suit
[bikini], shorts that are a skirt, a sweater and flipflops. Jeff got
a sweatshirt, board short trunks, a long-sleeved t-shirt and
flipflops. It was very productive!!!

Afterwards we drove back to his house --Stopping off at Wawa to
get Icees and looking around Kohls. At his house we tried to watch
the Shrek DVD but it messed up halfway so we stopped it and took a
nap before going out to Merissa's. I got up to get ready and then he
did and we headed off back to Jackson. I felt bad that we were going
without a present but Jeff said it didn't matter...then we got to
Merissa's and saw all these presents so I felt even worse. So the
plan was that we would all have dinner with her family and then we
were meeting up with their high school friends at some bar. So it
was me and Jeff and Merissa and her best friend Kristy. It was
pretty funny because me and Jeff would make all these inside
references to a lot of things and at one point, Kristy said "man you
guys have too many inside jokes" hehe. We all hung out and ate and
watched her open presents...and then wasted like 2 hours trying to
make plans with the other friends! Those guys were so frustrating!

We finally decided on Finnegans in Brick or something. The four
of us got there first and Jeff bought a round of drinks. We all just
sat around talking and waiting for the rest of the guys. So finally
like an hour later they walk in. The only person I knew was Dean so
I gave him a kiss and two of the other guys introduced themselves to
me so that was sweet. Then there was Liz...her and Jeff had been
best friends in High School and now they're totally distant. Its
pretty sad. I didn't know if she was really weird because I was
there or if things were just that bad between her and Jeff. I
introduced myself to her and she was just like Yeah whatever....And
then Jeff introduced me to one guy who later said to me "so you're
the girl that stole my buddy Jeff's heart". I said "yup that's me"
hehe. The group pretty much broke up into cliches which was kinda
sad. I think Jeff and Merissa were definitely disappointed. Dean
would make his rounds every now and then. That boy is the funniest
thing when he's drunk! =-)

Around quarter to 1, Merissa decided she wanted to head off. So
we started saying bye to everyone. I gave Dean a hug and a few of
the guys said it was good meeting me and they invited me out when
they go to Princeton, so that was really sweet! So hopefully I can
do that one day. I was a little annoyed with the way Liz reacted
towards us. Jeff went to say bye to her and she just shook his hand
and then sarcastically said "its been fun, call me" it was kind of
annoying and I felt bad for Jeff because I knew he was expecting more
out of it. But I guess people grow up and move on...

We drove Merissa home, wished her a happy birthday again and
then Jeff and I drove home. We got all silly at his house and tried
on all our Hawaii stuff and said we were so ready for our trip hehe.
Then we finally passed out! I had to leave early on Saturday for a
doctor's appointment, which ended up being cancelled when I got
there, but what can you do.

I took a nap Saturday afternoon cuz I was so exhausted from such
a long day! And Sunday, my aunt came over to do some wedding plans.
Today was a pretty decent day at school and work and Jeff and I had
some good email and phone conversations. We're going to spend Friday
night at his house again and this time maybe try to watch a whole
movie, hehe! Should be an interesting week. =-)

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