r_sm

My e-diary, Volume infinity and beyond
2001-04-30 20:48:59 (UTC)

Emotional turds

Journal 19, entry 5, Monday April 30, 2001

Dear Journal,

Less than six weeks to go until my wedding. It is a
strange and wonderful circle I am completing. A is the
best - she really gives so much to me, and makes my joy of
life ever more enhanced. We have our differences, but
don't seem to get bogged down in the unhealthy fighting
that plagued my marriage to D.

I still think about D. I really should go visit her grave
once before the wedding. I feel guilty now that she is
buried here, rather than closer to her family. She chose
for us to move out here, though. What really surprises me
about life is how things can change so quickly and
dramatically, like they were scripted to do so, but you
know deep down that there is no script, for we could change
things just as dramatically by our own will.

What else is on my mind? Certain friends continue to
disappoint me. I don't know if having a child permanently
creates a self-centered part of one's brain or not. It has
just been my experience with quite a few friends. I guess
we'll have to see when it's our turn. It's just
embarrassing that so many of my old friends are turning out
to deposit emotional turds into our life, while so many of
A's old friends are going above and beyond to make me feel
welcome, and to do whatever we need to make this time in
our lives more special. I guess there are exceptions on
both ends.

Speaking of emotional turds, I better go check if my
uncommunicative boss has looked at the document he is
supposed to review, which I need to send in in less than an
hour.

Emotional turd indeed.

R


Ad:0