It's my life
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2001-04-30 11:57:03 (UTC)

Monday 4:30am

So I told Chuy that I was in love with him. I did it just to
make myself feel better and get some closure so I can move
on and work on myself. It was really hard but I knew I had
to do it. He seemed nonchalant about it. He said he already
knew but was scared. I didn't care for an explanation to his
answer. I do love him and I think if he were to want me back
some how I would run. That wouldn't happen ever I don't
think. He probably thinks I'm psycho or something from the
way I used to suck the life out of him. I just need to find
friends to hang with and all will work it's self out.
Rahem and I arent' friends anymore due to the bullshit he
did this weekend at the camping trip. He poured beer all
over me in front of the guys. I didn't really appreciate
that shit. I left after only 11 hours of being out there
because it was hot as fuck, I smelled like fuckin beer and
there were no showers and I was tired and irritated with the
whole scene. I deleted his phone number as soon as I got
home because you know what ahlam, you don't need people like
that in your life who don't appreciate the friendship you
build over time. Fuck him and everyone else like him.
I'm starting to get back into the swing of things which is
always a good thing. I'm part of the softball team at work
and our first game is on Saturday so that should be fun.
We'll see. I'm not inviting anybody to come and watch.
I'm actually glad I told Chuy what I told him because
tonight I feel really good about everything. I talked to Roy
yesterday and he understood and gave me some really good
encouragement and praise. I really like Roy and still not
sure what would happen if I went back out to Chicago to
visit him. It scares me because I used to have it bad for
him before Chuy came around. Even when chuy was around I
still had it bad. It seems like it's deteriorating though. I
hope not but I don't want to lead him on and make him
believe that I'm waiting for him. I think he knows anyways.
that's what's perfect about him that I never knew. He is
extremely intelligent and knowledgable. WHen I told him that
he was a father figure to me he took it as a compliment so
I'm not sure how he views me. Well that's about all so bye