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2002-02-18 01:32:09 (UTC)

Just Stop

Stop! I am so confused. I just left Justene for a week, I
stayed at her house last night, I loved her last night, now
all of a sudden today something hit me, something I don't
know or understand, and it was like nothing happened. I
told her I was scared, scared of what? I don't know; but it
is not fear. I am not scared of anything. It was just like
all of a sudden I...I...don't want her. I mean I still love
her, in so many ways, but I don't want her anymore. Today
at the movies (A walk to remember) the guy asked the girl
to marry him. Jess turned to me and asked me to marry her.
I had shivers run up and down my spine, just like every
time, but at the same time I had a feeling in my heart that
was a stab of pain. It hurt when she said that to me. I
don't know why. Then every time she said she loved me after
that I got the shivers, and I also got the pain. When we
got back to her house I wanted to touch her. I wanted to be
with her so bad. Then when I was touching her it felt
wrong. I don't know why. Then I wanted her so badly all
last night to touch me and play with me, but she didn't for
very long. So I thought I wanted her to do it to me again
today, but when she did it didn't feel right. I mean
usually I get absolutely orgasmic from her touching me, but
today it just didn't feel right. I mean there are so many
other reasons I love her, but if I am feeling this way
about this, who is to say I wont stop loving her all
together? I just want to end it on a better note.

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