The Diary of an idiot
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2001-04-30 03:37:57 (UTC)

April 29, 2001

well today has been an interesting day

Why? because it's the last day before finals

YAAAH!! YAH! YAH yah ya y Oh hell
this isn't good why? because I am probably going to be
busting Ds & Cs on my finals

but of course i have to have faith so i guess i should
expect A's only but the occasional B is ok i guess.. anyhoo
i went to a lovely little step contest Saturday night..I
was alright. The theme could have been picked better but
it was ok none the less..I ran into several of my personal
interest there...(I use code names which describe a
personality trait or something i connect with that person)
like :Physics girl
:My niece (no not my real niece my campus niece and
yes i do think she is cute but I doubt if
anything will happen between me and her)
:Carrie (no not her real name just a code name)

So let me start with physics girl..I've liked her since
freshman year (I am currently a sophmore) but me and she
didn't really talk to each other until 2nd semester of
physics class. The interesting thing is that i don't know
too much about her except that she laughs at my jokes (with
is a rare occasion) she's beautiful, she's smart, and she
can step. The funny part is that my boy nak (my boy from
since we were kids) likes her. Now i'm supposed to be
talkin to her for/about him. Which i am going to do. Now
if she however doesn't like him, I'm going to merely grow
closer to her as a friend. The problem in my life with
having a girlfriend is that when i start a relationship
like that i put my full efforts into it. Or i put more
energy into the relationship than neccessary at that
particular time. So i want to be in a relationship
because i feel the void, and yet i don't want to be in one
because of 1.I'm not mature enough and 2. I don't think its
my time yet

Anyhoo back to physics girl. Inside there is a part of
me that wants her to like me. But there is a greater part
that knows that that is never going to happen.

My niece, hmm what to say about my niece. I know that she
has some type of feelings for me beyond that of the
natural, normal male-female, uncle-niece, relationship. I
like her and all but i don't see us together (within the
next year or two) because she is not ready for a guy like
me. I can sense that she would not be able to handle my
traits, my moods, my attitude, and my basic life. But
assuming that i mature both spiritually and mentall i do
believe that i could come up to the level which she is at.
But that still leaves another (I don't want to say problem
because its positive) wall. Her innocence..She seems so
innocent, beyond that of the normal girl that i know she
carries about her an innocence that humbles me. I wish i
had that innocence that she had. If we were together i
would constantly look and feel horrible knowing that a
(insert a horrible animal here) like me is with someone as
innocent and pure as her.

well i'll finish this later i need to grab some winks of