once again
2002-02-17 18:08:20 (UTC)

alot to think about

I don't even remember what my last entry was. I am sick
again. I've never been sick like this...every month with
the same thing. I've been like this since July. Things
are getting rough right now. Shawn is sick too. He had a
horrible asthma attack and we had to goto the hospital. I
was so worried. The day before Valentines Day we had a
horrble fight. About missing money and Kelly and so much
stuff. He admitted to me that he was so home sick he felt
liek he was dying. I asked him if he would be happy if he
went back for good and he said yes. I told him to leave
and that would be it. But he didn't, and he's till sick
and I'm too. But this household situation is getting
hectic. The kids always running around in the
morning...can't really be mad about that because their kids
but it's still a pain. This whole house selling situation
is killing my sister and Mike is getting the brunt of it
along with every one in her path. I wonder if I should
have moved back here...I want to be in Florida so badly. I
miss the weather and my friends and having people come over
on your birthday. I told Shawn if he went back now that
would be it. I would not do what we did was too
rough on me. He decided that we needed to get my bills
paid off and then save and we wouldbe able to move again.
I'll work my ass off...I already am but I swear this time
I'll save. I love my family and the kids will be
heartbroken if Shawn leaves but I think that our happiness
is in control here. I've been thinking about Q and Billy
alot. I miss them and haven't talked to either of them in
so long. I need to call them. They were friends to me
when I needed them and we both tried more then that and it
failed so that's a sign. They care and I do too. I'm
tired of beign sick...Patricia says I need to take vitamins
but I never did in Florida and Iwas sick once every 3-4
months. I don't know...maybe it's my mind telling me what
I want to hear...but I'm sick with the same thing every
month...I miss Florida. I talked to Angel, she marying
Jeff in April. I was supposed to be her maid of honor...I
never talked to her again. But she told me she wants me
there more then anything. I'll be there. Tara gets
married in June...I have to go. Maid of honor. Amica
writes in my diary the other she's been talking
to me for every day since she left. But she hasn't and you
can't do that. Things don't disappear after a few weeks.
Sorry. I don't forget...not repetitively. Maybe I'm over
reacting baout everything...maybe I'm skitzo. I don't
know. WE're supposed to be here getting things together
for oursleves. Shawns got a shit job...barely works
waiting for Mike or union. But what would be better in
Florida...he won't have anything. I'll go back to serving
in Florida and even though it's ok once May comes the money
will be shit becuase no more snow will be
busier then ever. I can't figure things out..