Birdy: Where am I now?
I fell in love with Steve all over again. I can't go on
like this. What am I going to do? Everytime I look at him
and talk to him face to face I fall in love with him. He is
so amazing! I know that we will probably never get
together, but you can't help who you love.
As for love, I have no clue if Jeremy still lies within
my deepest heart of hearts. He hasn't surfaced in a while.
What we had was great, but there's a time when we all have
to let go. He let go the last day of the party, I hung on
until...maybe I'm still holding on...I don't know. I'm
empty without love. Sometimes, I think it's more horrible
to not love anyone at all then to love someone and look
forward to seeing that someone every day, and if there's a
challenge in life just thinking of that person will let a
smile grace your lips and light your eyes. Well, I'm kinda
rambling on about stupid stuff. I don't know what I'm going
to do...I know I'm important to Steve, but will I ever be
as important to him as Jenn is?
We lost our first game by one run. I started and I made
the first run home! I was so happy. Steve plays baseball.
We ride the same bus to away games. Our first away game is
Tuesday...I hope we sit near eachother...I miss him a lot.
Another Dr's appointment tommorow. This one is for high insoline,
not my overies this time. I still don't want to miss school! I HATE
it when my mother makes me appointments during school and she knows
it. Does she want to stress me more? God, sometimes I can't stand the