This is the beloved air I breathe
2002-02-17 04:49:15 (UTC)

Be careful what you wish for

I asked God to use me. That's all I asked for. That's no
big deal, right? I mean how awesome would it be to make a
difference in this world?
Well, there is this little joke that I have and it goes
something like this: Don't ask God for something, if you
really aren't serious about following through with it.

I was thinking the other day as I sat in the study abroad
office asking questions for a friend "Wow, wouldn't it be
cool to study abroad" a whole semester of making a
difference in another country. then I began to think
about how I wouldn't like it beacuse i would not be able
to really serve for God the same way that I would be able
to serve in other situations.
I began to think about joining something like the peace
corps or something. I'm really big into community service,
and that would be just up my alley, but I would not be
able to serve so blantaly for God as I would want to there
Then I began to think about a missions trip. I do not
mean, going to some other place for like a week or two and
working in a place where hundreds of other people have
worked, and do something that makes me feel good about
myself. I remember doing those in high school. I
remember how much time we spend having fun, that we didnt'
to all that much in the way of missions.

as I began to ponder it more and more, I began to realize
that God was asking me"would you give up all that is
precious to you in your life now, and just leave it all
for me?"
the answer is yes, but you have no idea how hard that was
to come to terms with. Imagine what would happen if I
left. Life would continue to go on the way it always has,
and when I got back everything would be different.
But I gave it to God.
I began researching onilne for places to be able to serve,
and I think I have found a cople of places that peaked my

it's scary. I remember praying to God saying "use me
please. I give up all in my life to you God" and now He
is going to hold me to it.

Now, I could just choose not to do it - God wouldn't be
upset If I didn't , but I would be choosing the "easy" way
It's like I was talking about a little while ago. It
would strectch me, but I'm choosing the more fulfilling
thing. Do I reach out and grab what's right in front of
me? Do I make that leap of faith and jump out of the zone
of what I know, and what is comfortable to me, and do what
I know I'm being called to do? I shall.

I remember what it was like comming to college. I was so
scared to go to college. I thought everything would be so
alien and unknown, but God gave me the peace and
strength. As one of my very good friends said as I was
talking to her, "I never would have imagined myself being
able to do what I'm doing now, but when we begin to do it,
it becomes easier for us". It's true.

I think that is part of the reason that "he" has not begun
to persue a relationship with me. God will place it on
his heart when it is the right time, and this is not it.
This is the only time in my life when I will be able to
pick up and just leave everything. If I am going to do
this, I need to do it now. When I come back, "he" will be
waiting for me. And if not, then a different "him" will
be there. God has it all planned out. He's not going to
leave me stranded and loveless. so ironic is it that it
doesn't matter though, cause I have all the love i need.
The love of Jesus.