out of reach
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2002-02-17 04:12:38 (UTC)

i tried to go to that show last..

i tried to go to that show last night to see pat and mark.
i really wanted to go too. but pat didn't know where it
was when i asked. i told him i'd wander around the town to
see if i could find it but west milford is one huge town.
good thing its like all trees. i never found the coffee
house and i almost got pulled over. but on a good note
erin and i saw a beautiful mind. i didn't enjoy it as much
as i thought i would. but it was good.

suddenly i have this new found confidence in myself. not
really i just feel a bit better about myself. i almost
feel like i deserve something good (like a nice guy to hold
me tight). yesterday i was flirting with the gas station
attendant. actually he was flirting with me and i just
played along. he gave me 30 cents of free gas, haha.
today two guys at work seemed interested in meeting me.
they were good looking too. ok one seemed interested in
me, the other i was more interested in him. they're both
in their twenties i think. which really makes me want them
more though it shouldn't because its not a good sign that
working at sears is what they plan on doing for a living.
maybe they're just off to a late start though.

i got a letter from the head of the psych department at
drew. i'd like e-mail her. i don't really have any
questions but i think it would be good to establish a
relationship if by chance i choose to go there. i haven't
even gotten accepted though so i shouldn't think too far
ahead. i have such mixed feelings about college. i can't
wait to go and get out of here but i can't deny the fear
and anxiety i have. i hate it when someone says oh you
guys must be stressed and whatnot and everybody just denies
it and says nope they can't wait to leave. am i the only
one who is a little afraid of this big change? maybe i
am. i'm not saying i don't want to go through with it, i'm
excited as hell really. but i think its gonna be another
really stressful time for me.

there are two people that i've really wanted to talk to
these past few days and i only talk to them online and
neither of them have been on. i keep hoping to see their
names but it never happens. if i really had something
important to say i'd just call them, but i don't. i just
miss their comfort.

well i have to get up early for work tomorrow. yipee