Trixie Dust

Trixies in the Wind
2002-02-17 03:54:36 (UTC)

O Father, my father

What happen to you?
I thought you were my friend
I thought that i could trust you
But youve sliced my heart in two.
You play the mindgames you would say
Were stupid, evil and wrong
And now i pray each passing day
That I am able to go on
You tell me that you love me
You tell be that you care
And then I ask you 'show me proof'
Of course, it is not there
It is with some others
That managed to 'steal' your heart
And i sit alone and wonder
About what a fiend you are.
I used to call you father
I used to call you friend
But some months ago
That sadly had to end
I cannot say I hate you
I cannot say I care
But I know that what youve done to me
Caused a wound thats forever there
You tell me 'oh please trust me'
You tell me that you care
But when I need you the most
Is the time that youre not there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yeah, I know, it really really sucks, but its the truth.
Im really getting sick of this whole mess, ya know? Its
like, please, I beg you, grow up. Your not teenagers
anymore. Your not babies. But they act it! I guess dad
is trying to get a second mortgage on our house, and its
not like hes already finacially screwed us into a hole. He
doesnt pay child support and he doesnt pay his bills- he
got a loan through my mom for a motorcycle he doesnt pay
for- and theres others but you all dont need the gorey
details. Thing is, hes trying to f us all over. He wont
give us answers about going to florida, he said, and I
quote 'I dont need to report to you'. He said that to my
sister before hanging up on her. Its like, okay, you beg
me to forgive me and then lie to my face? Whatever! And
stop sending me the stupid emails with bible verses in
them!! Your trying to convince yourself you have a
religion you lost long ago! Why dont you make it right?
Why did you marry her?? Love?? BS!!! Unless youve been
cheating on my mom, which you were, and like, okay, you
call her an adultress? WHOS THE ONE WITH GIRLFRIENDS!
Remember the song 'Father of Mine?' Remeber how mum said
it was the song Ive dedicated to you? What about this
line, 'Do you think about the children you abandoned, and
the wife I saw you beat?' Or maybe the brother and little
sisters I saw you beat... do you remember? Or is it that
they pissed you off, and they deserved it. They deserved
to go to bed hearing this slamming and hearing your mother
crying or hearing you hit you... do you know what the hell
thats like dad??? You wonder why Im so fucked up inside...
you wonder... or do you even notice? No, no, you didnt.
You dont see what youve done... what youve destroyed. Ive
tried to escape the claws youve placed upon my neck, and
wriggled to get free but only worsend the grip... I cannot
run... I cannot run. Im not perfect anymore, Im not
innocent anymore, I know to much about this world and the
atrocities it contains. I know too much about the
destroyed goverment and family structures that were
supposed to exist... all my friends parents splitting
up... 'it would never happen to me, never happen to me.' I
knew it would. I did. Its better now. So much better.
No more family conferences, or lining up at the door so you
could scream at us or mother for something... no more daddy
to go to work with or eat m and ms with or play with... he
died, the good daddy I loved and knew when I was little
died. Hes been replaced by this bitter, confused person
that thinks somehow what he is doing is right... is
convinced that he is doing right... while my family and his
family suffers...

Matt, angel i miss you so much, so so so so so so much. I
love you sweetheart. *HUG*

Huggles, Marie, yaz knows I love ya.

-*Laters*-




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