Again I Feel Left Out
Fuck. Well the title says it all. I know it's probably just
me but yeah. I read Mark the entry about feelin that much
less important with his new "friend". He said , "no not
true." and that "I spend what little time i have with each
of my friends." Well i see if differently.
He's been with his new "friend" a lot more then he's been
with me. He was with him wednesday, he was with him
thursday, today he spent time with his "real" friends
(which doesn't include me) and tomorrow he's spending time
with his new "friend". When the hell do i get to spend time
with him. He doesn't see it how i see it. But even everyone
else understands my jealousy. Why can't he? Again i am
losing him. Just now it's a lot slower and painful.
My heart hurts. (like always) He probably thinks i'm over
reacting. Maybe i am but everyone says i'm not. So i dunno
what to think. I thought he was my best friend. But what
best friend would just about cut me out from his normal
life. I feel like that side friend again. Like the
consulation prize. And that hurts really bad.
I told him to read this entry so he would know how i feel.
If he actually does read it he'll probably think i'm just
being some selfish bitch. Well i am far from selfish. I do
soooo much for him. But i feel like i get nothing in
return. Wait thats not true. I guess his company (the
little he spares for me) is sopossed to repay me. Well i
feel ripped off sometimes. True, he does make me happy when
i actually do get to see him. But those times are few and
far between nowadays. And that effect he has on me only
last for a short while. It usually wears off and i feel
horrible in the end.
Well, it's his life. I guess it's time for me to move on.
Mark...when (and IF) you read this just pretend like you
never read this. Go on with your happy little life and pay
no attention to my miserable one. Cuz i'll be okay.