phaeton

beMusings
2002-02-16 04:42:55 (UTC)

Fun-filled fucking fantastic Friday

Well I just got back from my mom's. I had dinner, several
drinks, and watched some survival flick with Anthony
Hopkins and Alec Baldwin which wasn't bad. I talked to my
brother a bit, which is always interesting. He's a
freshman and is throwing together a punkish band. They've
already got a gig at the Mason Jar (a local Phoenix
establishment) and have like 10 original songs. All I've
heard so far is their charming rendition of 'Hava Nagila',
which is... well... charming.

My dad has a gig tonight. He plays drums in a band called
Triad. They're playing at a bar near Luke Air Force Base
called Sage & Sand. He's a great friend. He's not too
shabby of a father either, though I've found as I get
older he becomes less a friendly father and more a
fatherly friend.

So here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

I want a woman. I miss Jamie. She's this wonderful girl
that I met in 8th grade. I remember the very first day I
saw her. She wore a brown shirt, a black leather jacket,
dark jeans and black platform shoes... I was sitting in
History, I think, reading some Anne Rice book. She later
told me she was enamored of me, but at the time I was too
busy with pursuit of things that I thought I would have
attained by now. We kept in touch after 8th grade on and
off, and we had our moments... We began to pursue some
kind of intimate relationship, and then we just stopped
talking. Her life changed, my life changed. Shortly after
my great-grandfather died I started talking to her again.
Months later we had a sort of falling out again, though I
consider it my fault in many ways... That was before last
summer. I miss her. Alot. But then I have to ask myself
whether it's really her I miss, or whether I just miss
having anyone...

I want someone to care about me. To love me. I've never
had a relationship like that. It's so sad to live 18 years
and never be loved for who you are. To never know requited
love... I feel sad now.




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