Thoughts in the Confused
2001-04-29 05:34:16 (UTC)

the last weekend of April

WELL, the day is done. I am writting a few words and saying
hi. I went to see The Forsaken. It was a movie about
vampires and it was not very good. I do not know what I
thought it was going to be. I was just looking for a good
scary movie.

By-the-way, I love scary movies, if I had not mantioned it.

Let me go back into time a day. Friday. Why was this a
good day. Hmm Let me think. My laptop came. IT is
awesome. The only problem is that they went cheap on the
ram and put 2 64 MB chips instead of 1 128 MB chip. So I
had to remove on to add the one i bought. so i have an
extra 64 MB chip. :( I know what am I complaing about I
got a new laptop. :)

I did not do a lot last night. I hung around home and i
pretty much covered it i nthe last post. I just had to talk
about the laptop again.

I then went to Borders again to kill time until i had to
meet at the new lg office. I bought another issue of
Animerica and i was going to look at the other gay mags but
i chickened out again. I guess I am afraid that someone
will think I am gay, or say that I am gay. Not that, being
gay is bad, I just do not want to come out of the perverbial
closet. Plus like I have explained, somewhat before, i do
not know what I am.
(if you are underage or do not want to hear sexual stuff
then do no tread below)

I find guys attractive and I find women attractive. I have
more experiences with guys. I have not kissed anyone.
Never. I have had oral sex but no kissing. Oral sex is the
extent of my male experience. I have fooled around with a
girl named Liz. We had some petting and other erotic things
. But we never kissed, it was kind of weird. It went away
just as fast as it strated.

I also have a small penis. I know that is hard for me to
say because i feel no woman would want me cause it is small.
I feel that I will not be able to pleasure them. I know i
have heard all the stuff like size does not matter but it
does. I am not sure if this is what turns me more toward
guys. Cause there is not the same sort of sex with guys.
There is anal, which i am not really that interested in.
but oral sex always works better the smaller it is. Use
your imagination. Plus I seem to have an easier time
finding guys then girls. None of the guys I have been with
have been openly gay if they are. I know one was with a lot
of girls. He had a girlfirend, but he was also older than
me. He sort of strated with me when I was 16 and he was
probably 22. He really liked my penis. I know that.

What I am saying that is maybe i have conditioned myself to
like guys cause I know that I can get with them. It is all
i really know. I do not know. later