lilsunshyne165

Corruption in all its beautiful forms..
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2002-02-16 04:02:34 (UTC)

Noxious

learned a new word today, noxious-harmful to another person
or oneself. Good word, im noxious, it scares me, when the
pain you cause is to yourself and purposely, and you keep
on doing it cuz you like it, maybe think you deserve it,
that cant be a good thing. I love so many people so much, i
end up fucking up things, not because im cold hearted but
because i dont seem to be able to stop.Im extremely cynical
for being so young, i make myself sick, im just like my
father, bitter, and that is disgusting, i wish I could
change, i dont wanna be me. NO, i dont wanna be my dad. I
wish i could believe in something, I wish i had faith in a
god, or could keep an interest in school, or have the
patience for a hobby, or the heart to make friends even
though i know i will lose them. The feeling of the day is
loss. I lose, i always lose, it seems like I win, and I do,
but i always lose my prize. It kills me, I have these
friends that are so perfect, so awesome, but I had to fuck
it up. God, regrets, never had them before now.

Frank, my forskined, german, lost buddy, shut up and eat
your hashbrown, camaro, little shit, god i miss you, you
like a brother to me.

Dan, the little brother I never had, always has the ability
to make me laugh, goofy fuck, be nice to your mom.

Missa, the one that's always there for me, to care, my
mother, Im surrounded by stuffed animals, as long as I have
a piece of you, Ill be ok

Jordan, my sister, my partner in crime, what can i say,
your a little bitch, but i love you so much, our songs, the
bench, UPS, booty dancin, god...i miss you kid

Kurt, i guess we just clicked, i feel like your a part of
me, its weird, I cant explain it.

D, wow, your an inspiration what can i say, I wanna grow up
and be just like D, never give up on your music, never lose
faith, never forget, but i know you wont, and thats why you
mean so much to me.

Megan, my baby bia, i love you girl, mmmm fanea, i miss the
chalk board, the socks, the food, all i wanna do is talk to
you about sex and boys and making love and like it.

Leah, wow you are truly original, so creative its awesome,
you can always make me smile, smurfland, your off the wall,
the movie with alf against crime.damn...

Jake, my man, my bro, you and your icelandic music, your
skateboarding, the skinny man dance, i dance for money, god
i need you, you keep my humor up.

Greg, sup man?shoot, your sideways yellow hat, the lancer,
THE GEO!BAAAAA!!!!clam bakin jordan, being my therapist,
walking and beating down snow men. Awesome.

Jennie, my friend for the longest time. Always there, we've
been through so much, so many guys, so many
glasses..lol...tears, many tears, drinking, throwing up,
wrapping presents, noah's ark, shut up i got a plan.

Ben, its crazy, at one time i cried in a stall over you, I
loved you so much, i still do, just in a different way,
there for me when dan and i ended, there always, now all I
feel is affection for you, thank you kid, stay true.

Dan, and even as i type your name, my eyes water, its hard
to breath and a little of my heart tears away, its killing
me slowly, i cant forget, i cant forgive, all i can do is
feel something that i cant help. I finally hate you, but
for having such a profound effect on my life that i cant
breath without you, i guess ill have to learn how to.

No one in Ky has the privelege of being mentioned, your not
important...FUCK KENTUCKY!!!!!!!

Memories, all the people i love. I wanna come home, my home
is in Michigan. I keep on thinking if I decide to kill
myself Im going to steal a car and drive to Mi and do it
there, where i belong, with my friends, and my grandma, my
body with hers.

Mood:high, depressed
Song:Promise by jagged edge


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