Jencaero

29

*sigh*
i have such bad luck with guys (guess what day it is.) as
of next week i will have officially been single for 2
years. depressing isnt it. its not even that its just that
i dont believe ill ever find the right guys for me. sure i
like guys a lil but never someone to confide in
things i really want in a guy are too much to expect
i want respect, confidence, depth, originality, a bit of
intelligence, and god knows what else. so is it just me? am
i just some ugly bitch or something is that why i never get
guys? do i scare them off or something?
prolly

god though austin
was he good or bad? that is so hard to decide... people
have some sort of bias against him though. and why is it i
always like guys who are friends or who id rather have be
friends

when i went out with austin he liked elizabeth... but i
liked him so much. it takes a lot for me to really like a
guy, but when i do, i fall head over heels.

so who do i like now? who will i like? damnit i wish i
could find someone... i feel so left out when everyone i
know has some sort of male companion.

and yet perhaps i was destined to be single all my life
although i cringe at the thought im quite sure its possible.
very possible.

oh thats so shallow
look at me wallowing in grief. get over it jen
get over it it doesnt matter
oh but it does
it matters a lot
no it doesnt
it doesnt matter at all jen
youre just making another mountain out of a molehill
no, im making a mountain out of a mountain

i wish i could just find the guy i want and have him like me
if only it were so easy

i wish i could find my KINDRED if there is such a thing
kindred i wish for a kindred spirit

i wish i could find jesus
i wish i could be myself rather than this uptight chick
someone needs to loosen me up
maybe its me
i need to change me
i feel it comming
change
im on the edge of change i can feel it its so close
yet will it be good or bad
that is the question
grrrrrrrr i loathe myself at this moment
im just in one of those fucking crazy moods that i get in
sometimes

heh i wish i had some distinctive characteristic that set
me apart from everyone

do i conform?
this is too depressing
my mind is screwed up
bye