.Scream Your Dream.

Emo Violence
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2002-02-14 18:04:27 (UTC)

some things agravate me...

i dont know whats up with my computer but all the websites
have small fonts, and its bugging me. my head sort of
hurts, i should be at school today, but my mom let me stay
home, i think she thought i was drepressed about valentines
day, but really i just didnt want to go to school. though
i was a little depressed about v-day.

i talk to zac's mom some this morning, she is just so nice,
i cant get over it. i think about how nice it would be if
i was dating zac, i know thats rediculously silly, and i
would never want him to kno that, but i think we click,
maybe we dont, what do i know, right? he told me that he
tells me all this personal stuff. i was thinking What
personal stuff? he told me about his weird thing for
clint's x-girlfriend, and some other stuff. i wish i could
understand him. i guess i'll see him at the show on
friday, well of course i'll see him, but im a little
nervous/scared/dont want to go at all! this weekend has
been such an emotional build up for me, i dotn really want
it to happen, because it will most likely not be as good as
i think it should, or somthing like that.

my mom's leaving tonight for the islands. i feel like
exhaling this weekend away. i guess im siked about the
parites and all, but i dont know. my brother is very siked
about all of it, he got 8 cases and tons of hard liquor
too, that also scares me to think who will be in our house
adn drinking 240 beers? ive been cleaning up the house
like woah, the bathroom, living room, dining room and
kitchen are nice and straight. i still have to work on the
tv room, and the upstairs a little, i will leave the
basement to ben, im doing a lot to only be having freinds
over and partying one night (friday i guess) after the
show, kids are comming over, i dont know who though, i
guess who ever i ask, i told zac to come, but then i think,
do i want him there anyway, i hate being pretentious, makes
me want to shoot myself in the face.

also on friday, i guess i'll see fran, abe, jeff (its his
birthday... gotta get him somthing), nick, joe, all those
kids, wow and this boy Mike, who likes punk rock and is
weird to me sometimes, he wants to come back after the
show, i dont know about radka and adam sullivan, i sorta
hope they dont come to the show, so i wont have to talk to
them and all.

i have a headache, i remember last saturdaay, i wrote this
really great entry, about bryse and blair and friends and
all, and i was listening to the New Brand NEw cd (your
favorite weapon) and when a new song came on, i'd pause to
quote it, well the screen refresehed and i lost it all, it
took me 4 days i guess to get the strength and time to
write again, its been a long time since ive written.

im scared that our zine will die, im workign hard on it,
bryse is just preoccupied. i feel sad, ya know, i dont
think people think that i feel sad, bcause i dont act sad,
really, but soemtimes, i'll get a day that just kills me,
like last night reading catcher in the rye in bed, that
made me sad as hell, who knows. maybe its somthing in the
air. its making me sad cleaning up our house, i never
cared to clean it up before, and all of a sudden i want to
make it look nice for people who arnt even my freinds.

a few nights ago, alyss and i went to see sam, in newport.
it was nice seeing him, he's leaving for maine this
weekend, i dont understand him. i guess. i think he didnt
want me there, rich says he likes alyss, thats ok, im over
my thing for sam, but still, made me nervous. we ate at
this diner, and talked stories of the scene and all, i love
talking to alyss, everything is just so much funnier when
she's there. its about 1pm, id be in math right now, boy
does that class drive me crazy.

my element 101 cd finished, i wsa listening to saves the
day, through being cool, earlier, there was this one song,
it was killin me...
called rocks tonic juice magic
"my heart is on the floor
go ahead and step on it"

i like his voice, but it all sounds the same after a while,
i guess. im going to get stay what you are, as soon as i
can, gosh do i want to buy a lot! i need a job, gross i
hate talkng about how i need a job, it gets so damn old.

i guess im done now, i feel close to faint.

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