This is the beloved air I breathe
2002-02-14 01:28:27 (UTC)

I go to the Rock

There is so much that I could say. I guess the first
thing could be that I have been so busy I have decided to
stretch my days by 3 hours....I have been going to bed at
like 3 AM and still waking up for my 9 in the morning
classes. school on friday....I'm not getting
out of bed once. I'm going to stay there ALL DAY!! :)

so, what has been going on in my life? God is teaching me
something...(what's new, right?). you know it's funny, I
think that there are so many things that happen in our
lives that have opportunities to be growing experiences if
we allow them to be. When something happens grow from it,
learn from it. Allow yourself to take a good long look at
things and remember that we can not change the situations
that we are in, but we can change the way we react to
those situations, and in doing that we will naturally feel
differently about the situation.
There are so many different emotions in me. lately I have
been realizing that God has been preparing me for a
relationship with all that stuff that He has been doing in
my heart. I was right, He has been preparing me for a
relationship with Himself! When i realized that my motive
for purity and liking "HIM" couldn't be drivin my desires
hidden deep in my soul, I realized that those desires had
to be given up to God. When I was able to say to God "ok,
here I am, I'm not going to keep from giving any part of
me to you" God was able to work with something. I believe
that He's preparing me to be a wife and a mother. I
believe that this is the time that I am building a
foundation for the rest of my life. As I take a look at
my life and the ways that i have been changing and
growing, I see that I am developing qualities that will
serve me well in the future.

As I enthusiastically look towards what I think marriage
life would be like, I am sobered by the realization that
it's so much more than eternity with the one I love.
Married life is a commitment. I know that may sound
obvious, but think about it...think about the other places
where you have heard the word commitment used. When you
make a commitment to something you have to think about it
before hand to make sure it's something you will have time
for. The school play for would be a lot of
fun to audition for the school play but there is so much
more to it than that. do I have the kind of scheduale
that will allow me to attend all the rehersals? (in
college they are 7-12 every night until the week before
and then they are 'till like 3 in the morning)and when I'm
not in the rehersals will I be practicing and memorizing
my lines, and when I'm not doing that will I be getting
the proper sleep and rest that I will need to keep my
energy for the play? Once we have rehersals, will I be
able to make the commitment to the performance? What if I
decided half way through opening night that the play was
too hard for me, or that I couldn't handle it, or that I
didn't feel like doing it anymore and just walked off
stage? That would be dishonoring the commitment that I
made to the drama company When I said I would do the play.

It's the same in life. The preperation is making sure
that I right emotionally, so that when I begin a
relationship are not looking to the guy to fulfill some
deep need in me. We need to be abele to be stable on our
own. The rehersals are the dates. the time spent before
marriage getting to know the person inside and out (I do
not mean physically here), meeting their family, talking
about things to make sure we feel the same way about
certian issues, etc.... and the play is the marriage.
When I make a commitment to a person it will be for life.
There will be no leaving because it's not what I expected
or because I got nervous. Now, I must pause here and say
that in some cases there are some very legitimate causes
for divorce...but I hope to think (as idealistic as it may
seem) that if I am careful enough going into the wedding,
and if I have gotten to know that person as well as I
should have, I'll be able to recognize certian warning
signs before I ever marry a person.
The commitment I was thinking of is like...I never thought
about all the work that a marriage is. It's certianly a
blessing from God, but my husband will be responsible for
two people instead of one. I will need to have to have
the strength and courage to stand by his side when the
going gets rough. It will be my pleasure to be the quiet
source of strength that he draws from when things get
hard, but that takes more refinement of charachter than
anything in myself.

I come from an italian family where I say whatever is on
my mind. I have been learning that that's not exactly
always the way that God wants it. My husband will be the
man of the house, and I will not ever contradict him in
public, or undermine his authority as head over the
household. My husband is going to be the spiritual
leader, and I know that I will always be second to God.
God will be the first and foremost thing in His life, and
as He draws His strength from God, he will be given
strength to be able to love me with. It will be the same
with Him. Right now God is the first thing in my life. I
get my fulfilment and joy out of life, and that will not
be replaced when I get married. I will keep going to God
to fulfill the deep longings in my soul, and that way my
husband won't have to deal with me as an emotional wreck.
As I draw on my strength from My Father, I will be able to
love my husband tenderly. I will be given the strength
from God to be able to be the woman of strength and
integrity that I need to be.

well, I suppose that's enough for now.
but like always, let me know what you think.