2002-02-13 21:49:09 (UTC)

I pray

I don't know what is wrong with me. I am such a horrible
person. I am always angry or upset. There is always somone
ot be mad at, someone to blame. I need to take
responsiility. Yet I don't know where to begin. Today,
Michelle was just getting on my nerves. It was weird. The
moment she walked into the room I was already irritated by
her simply being there. I'm not sure why. She hasn't
bothered me too much lately, but when she does I just
explode. We both gave up swearing for lent. She overheard
me say "Damn it" which is not a swear, and yelled at me.
With the predisposition of dislike, I couldn't take it. I
just yelled at her to be quiet. Then she had the nerve to
ask what was up my "ass" - hmmm isn't that a swear? I
walked out of the room and down the hall to my friend Zach.
He calmed me down a little, then I went back and class
All the time this is happening. It is like I have no
control over my temper or reasoning behind it. I find
myself arguing for the sake of it. I was arguing with Dawn
about who lived closer to Konover. It was ridiculous. I
don't know what to do. My mind is all over the place. I
can't concentrate. I'm not getting my work done. I feel
like I am buried in things to do and remember, both
educationally and socially. I wish it could all stop.
I wish I had friends around here to turn to about this
stuff. But it seems like there is no one to really trust.
I'm feeling so fickle and confused. I want to just cry, but
what am I crying about? ohh I don't know. That seems to be
my phrase of the month.