2002-02-13 04:13:59 (UTC)

im always a slave to something

life is going by me, and soon ill have to decide what im
going to do. but lately, it seems i have very little
choice. there many choices, but all screw me over:
regular computer guy: the most likely path for me if i
follow this pattern, but this goes against all of my
views: another number crunching drone in a huge
conglomerate corporation, not making any difference in the
world and just increasing the rich/poor gap.
religious: ive noticed that often, religions stunt my
thinking. it just makes me another drone, toiling away,
not making any risks. its an organization that, in order
to be part of, requires no questioning of it and just
complete blind faith into it, and if you didn't choose the
right one, eternal consequences. it also forbids anarchy.
revolutionary: probably the ideal choice, for my personal
opinions. but, this will go against religion, which is
mostly everything, ive decided. Christianity is agianst
anarchy, murdering (which i will 99.98% not do if i do
become a revolutionary), and doing anything that the
powerful or rich disagree with. but ive never really
understood this, but go to http://flying.to/therevolution
for more info. its my new website, dedicated only to a
revolution. its going slow.
im going downwards on my oscillation. down down down.
im pretty sure im beyond anywhere ive ever experienced. im
getting more depressed, and im tempted a lot more to go to
a quack for pills or something. but i have some
staightedge type policy against mind-altering prescription
drugs (and yet im somewhat open to mind expanding drugs).
but, so far, i think that my actual ideal future would
isolation. probably a work-at-home job while working on
anarchist art as a side project. whatever, ill never be
free, ill always be depressed, ill always be hurting
someone, ill never be content, and ill always be a slave to
something. [email protected]