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a solution

i just wish i knew what to do.

do i leave things as they are?
let things fall into disuse?

i want more than that, and i don't want to be another jm
{heh..we have they same initials even..fucking
synchronicities...} but thats what i'm slowly becoming.

i spoke with mike today, apperently there's a "jesykA
effect" which is basicly what happend to aaron. he said all
sorts of things, that i'm a manipulator, a liar, and that i
hide my emotions. that i was good at all of it.

and i took it all as a compliment. all of those things
which are meant to be insults, weren't. because they are
all things i try to be, try to do.

if i'm that good at them, then why does everything always
get so messed up, so hard? shouldn't it be easier? of
course not. nothing is ever easier, which i suppose i'm
glad of, but just barely, because at least its a challenge.

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