Marco Jacksonovic

Crazy What You Could've Had
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2002-02-13 02:05:27 (UTC)

A Trap For Fools.

'or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
and stoop, and build them up with worn out tools.'

Well. I think its about time I did. I don't know how else
to say it, how else to do it. I can't be Rudyard Kipling; I
can't be Mark Twain; I can't even be Bob Dylan. I don't
want to be. I want to be a success in the things I try to
do.

It comes as scant consolation that I have finally been
growing into somebody I can feel happy being; not uptight,
not caring at all for other's dislike of me, not unhappy.

It seems that everything I put effort into, everything I
want, I work toward is broken for me, and though I become
despondant at the time, I work around it, and recover to do
the same again. I begin to wonder if it is worth the effort.

I get no real form of encouragement, no real form of
praise, no real satisfaction - only continually criticised
by those who ultimately dictate my future. My friends,
whilst they support me wonderfully, can't be expected to
prop me up, gee me up and see that I continue to develop
into what I am to be. They will just come on the journey
with me.

I think its high time I smartened my act up again. I feel
I've become sloppy. Too much like the students I hate so
much. I've griped about them before, and will again. It is
not the place here and now. So, when? How? What?

I do not know. Radical changes, though. The must be radical
changes. I'll spend tomorrow working out what I like about
me, and that which I don't I'll try to eradicate. If I feel
confident enough, I'll list it here. If I don't, well,
you'll have to see.

I think I'm gonna like it.

See you all soon.

WILT? Blur - Parklife - Parklife.


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