spitfire

Im over it!!!!

Fuck it Im over it.
Just like that I guess. today was a bad day.
not really everything was perfect goddamm perfect I mean it
cleared shit up with rachel friendly I like that.
went to school shit was great got a coffie saw this girl nia
I guess dont know she is really beautiful bought some tunes
passed blondie in traffic. You know I wish it was different
with us wish I had her tonight to call to hold arms to cry
into you know I wish she was that place. Shit is so good
with us dont know what Im doing with her but when she was
down she called me thats what I want. Went to a really bad
flick with her the other night and she just curled up and
went to sleep and I just watched her and smelling her hair
I was in heaven.Anyways no I didnt call her tonight It
would have broke me if she wouldnt have been right.
Saw erika though for a few hours tonight she came and did
job shadowing wiith me 5 hours of the little carol burnette
what more could I ask for. Fucking perfect day I tell you.
Then it happened wont go into detail cause its to long a
story to type now but It aint mine I wont own it.I hate to
lose respect for people some one I hold so high so godamm
high. Usally I got no problem being someones scape goat. In
a drunkin state he went to far and his rambling
ate me up and for a second he owned me he did his lies and
ignorance owned my emotions sadder now because of the
respect I lost for him and how sorry I felt to watch him
make such an ass of himself. Or sadder now because of how
little he knows me, of who I am and I know its wrong
because he does know me but the booze brought it forth.
normally I dont mind usally if itll help some one get
though the night feeling somewhat better about themselfs
and there lives Ill take it. In a heart beat Ill be the
reason there life isnt perfect or what have you.
But Im out, Im over it. mabe it hurt too much and Ive
anilized it too much. I checked my self so hard to make
shure. They say it only hurts when theres some truth in it
somthing close to your heart, No that aint it none of it
was on me tonight. Only him and mabe thats why it hurt to
see him be that way to be such a fool and when the wise man
becomes the fool the world changes. and there was nothing
to say. I coulndt hurt him any more but there was no way to
help him outta his self pity.Helpless I guess and thats not
one I deal well with. I dont even know what to say it was
inevitable no matter how hard I tryed I guess not my fault
not even my problem but here I am owning it not owning his
words but pain for him so sad, heart broken, mainly just
diappointed.
You know Im alright I know I am cause even though I wish
I had the blonde one to share this with. I was with a girl
after that and she was wanting to take me home her arms
someone to catch my tears. But no I didnt choose any port
in a storm. not tonight. I wanna thank the blonde one
though and I wanna thank danielle cause when I got home
after being just drawn out for a while over this. when I
finally decided to come home instaed of other options there
they were, voices on the machine. goddesses who took a
moment to laeve a message to take the time to call and see
what was up with me. Thank you cause tonight It means more
then you could no.
With love and respect
spitfire