It's my life
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2001-04-27 10:16:17 (UTC)

Friday 2:30am

It's been a couple of days. I didn't come into work last
night because Chuy wasn't done with the car and I just
really didn't want to come in. I also wanted to spend the
night with him. I'm totally depressed about him. I feel like
I want to just curl up in a ball and die sometimes from the
pain I feel inside from losing him. It's a pain I've never
experienced before and never want to again. It's a lasting
pain that feels like it will never end. I know one day it
will go away but how long will I have to go on feeling total
despair? It's funny how it seems like he's the only man in
the world or something. Like I'm not worthy of love and
affection from another. I guess that's my punishment for the
way I've been for many years. If I would have known I would
be punished like this I would have been more careful with
myself. I'm thinking to tell him that I've loved him for
quite some time but haven't been able to tell him to his
face. I don't really know what it will do but I'm hoping
that I will be able to walk away this time and not come back
to him. I'm tired of going thru the same motions with him.