Natalie

my FUN weekend

aight im lying, my weekend pretty much sucked. but oh well,
now to tell what happened.fun night (dance) was on friday
and i went, of course.a bunch of people cried for a bunch
of different reasons, but none of that really mattered.
what mattered was that the boy i like(d) just got a new gf
and also brought vodka to the dance. well the principals
found out after he had left, and the only people left at
the school were me, lauren (my friend who was coming to my
house that night), tyler (not the preppy one, a diff one
that is my real friend) and his friend brendon. and the
principal asked tyler about it and he said he didnt know
anything about it but she knew he did. and tyler was
crying. i have never seen him cry b4. i gave him a hug but
it didnt do much good. i felt really bad. anyways , the
reason me and lauren were there so late (40 mins after the
dance had ended) was bc my sister never picked us up. but
its ok i didn mind too much. my parents did, but i didnt
get in ne trouble. well last night (sunday night) i was
talking to colin online and here is our conversation:

me------------- (6:30:23 PM): since when have you liked
tami? and how come yu didnt tell me? and do yu know how
much trouble yu got tyler in? he was fukn crying! i have
never seen him cry! all bc of your stupid life and your
stupid tami and your stupid vodka and yu. i cant believe
yu'd do that! i thought yu cared!! and i thought i was yur
friend!! i hope yu die from OVER DOSING tomorrow. nice job
colin.

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Auto response from Dark Lord Ducky (6:30:23 PM): There are
approximatly 100,000 words in the english language. However,
numbers, contrary to words, are infinit. They last forever.
Now, given that
there are only 100,000 words, there would inevitably be a
point where you
run out of words to represent the various numbers. At that
point, you are
forced to create words consisting of different combinations
in length and
size of letters to represent those given numbers, thus,
creating no end to
the amount of words in the world.
------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------

Dark Lord Ducky (6:51:05 PM): im so upset that u would say
that but i deserve it
me------------- (6:51:35 PM): yes i agree
Dark Lord Ducky (6:51:44 PM): ik
me------------- (6:51:56 PM): so? what do yu have to say
Dark Lord Ducky (6:52:13 PM): i fucked up and i hate my life
me------------- (6:52:22 PM): oh
Dark Lord Ducky (6:52:28 PM): yea
Dark Lord Ducky (6:52:39 PM): i appologize for u knowin me
me------------- (6:52:43 PM): have yu talked to tyler
Dark Lord Ducky (6:52:46 PM): ill leave u along now
Dark Lord Ducky (6:52:52 PM): yea
me------------- (6:53:41 PM): no i cant stand being mad at
yu but i have to be and i want yu to make it right but i
cant do anything and i beg of yu please try to make it
right bc this is tearing me apart
Dark Lord Ducky (6:54:07 PM): dude i quit all that
me------------- (6:54:34 PM): no no no dont say that
me------------- (6:54:40 PM): bc yu dont mean it
Dark Lord Ducky (6:54:46 PM): i quit all that bad stuff
me------------- (6:57:07 PM): people WARN me about yu
colin! how yu'll say tht but its gonna suck the life out of
yu and yu cant get out. and i love yu and i hate yu at the
same time right now. and yu, in the deepest part of yur
heart, know you will do this again , bt yu'll think that
your plan cant possibly go wrong and somehow yu'll think
its alright. but its not and i dont want to hurt yu, altho
yu've already hurt many people

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Auto response from Dark Lord Ducky (6:57:10 PM): i fell
really bad so if u think u can chear me up please IM me
------------------------------------------------------------
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me------------- (7:03:08 PM): well colin? r u going to do
anythin about all this?

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Auto response from Dark Lord Ducky (7:03:10 PM): i fell
really bad so if u think u can chear me up please IM me
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me------------- (7:13:31 PM): please dont ignore me
Dark Lord Ducky (7:14:00 PM): im not
me------------- (7:14:12 PM): but yu arent talking to me
me------------- (7:14:20 PM): i kept getting an away message
Dark Lord Ducky (7:14:36 PM): i juss am in a really bad
mood and i was fuckin stabin my couch
me------------- (7:15:19 PM): with what
Dark Lord Ducky (7:15:26 PM): a knife
Dark Lord Ducky (7:15:31 PM): wut else
me------------- (7:15:38 PM): idk
me------------- (7:15:50 PM): oh colin dont do that.
me------------- (7:15:58 PM): please
me------------- (7:16:07 PM): what r u going to do?
Dark Lord Ducky (7:16:16 PM): o well i have anger promblems
me------------- (7:16:23 PM): yeah
me------------- (7:16:37 PM): colin wht do u plan to do
about all this?
Dark Lord Ducky (7:16:54 PM): im smart dont worry bout me
Dark Lord Ducky (7:17:03 PM): im ghetto
me------------- (7:17:12 PM): oh haha really tho
Dark Lord Ducky (7:17:19 PM): ur like flippin out cuz u
never knew n e of this
Dark Lord Ducky (7:17:23 PM): i can argue
Dark Lord Ducky (7:17:35 PM): trust me its under contro
Dark Lord Ducky (7:17:36 PM): l
me--------------(7:17:41 PM): fine
Dark Lord Ducky (7:17:48 PM): im straight
Dark Lord Ducky (7:17:52 PM): ill get out a this
Dark Lord Ducky (7:17:54 PM): if not
Dark Lord Ducky (7:18:04 PM): wut dont kill ya makes ya
stronger
Dark Lord Ducky (7:18:11 PM): and im quittin this shit
me--------------(7:18:18 PM): yeah but yu can get killed
Dark Lord Ducky (7:18:36 PM): thats y i quit
me--------------(7:20:15 PM): nowait its not okay colin i
hate hating u but i love yu and right now i hate yu for
this and its not just the vodka shit!! its aout yu and me
and tami and tyler and getting high and the charade im
playing out and how fucked up this is and its twisting my
world and its going to break and yu have no idea what this
means to me

------------------------------------------------------------
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Auto response from Dark Lord Ducky (7:20:16 PM): There are
approximatly 100,000 words in the english language. However,
numbers, contrary to words, are infinit. They last forever.
Now, given that
there are only 100,000 words, there would inevitably be a
point where you
run out of words to represent the various numbers. At that
point, you are
forced to create words consisting of different combinations
in length and
size of letters to represent those given numbers, thus,
creating no end to
the amount of words in the world.
------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------

Dark Lord Ducky signed off at 7:56:29 PM.
Dark Lord Ducky signed on at 7:56:47 PM.
Dark Lord Ducky signed off at 7:58:38 PM.
Dark Lord Ducky signed on at 8:02:23 PM.
Dark Lord Ducky (8:20:08 PM): if i put u in the bad mood ur
in im soooo sorry
me--------------(8:24:12 PM): its everything
me------------- (8:24:17 PM): mostly my fault tho
Dark Lord Ducky (8:24:26 PM): no
me------------- (8:24:33 PM): yes
Dark Lord Ducky (8:24:37 PM): ok
me--------------(8:25:29 PM): im not honest and im cnfused
me--------------(8:25:33 PM): confused
Dark Lord Ducky (8:25:39 PM): look im sorry
me------------- (8:26:05 PM): its alright , or it willbe
Dark Lord Ducky (8:26:12 PM): yes
Dark Lord Ducky (8:26:14 PM): im here
Dark Lord Ducky (8:26:24 PM): if u need ta talk
me------------- (8:26:34 PM): oh colin thank you i love yu
so much
Dark Lord Ducky (8:26:40 PM): ik u do
Dark Lord Ducky (8:26:47 PM): and im really sorry
me------------- (8:27:17 PM): Ok see here's the deal. My
hormones and my emotions are two totally different things,
I know that. But I can't decide which is driving me insane.
Which is making me fall deeply in love with these two guys
and then hating them but being madly in love with them at
the same time? It is ruining my life! I can't have other
relationships b/c I'm constantly thinking about either one
or the other. And I know it's not love b/c first of all,
I'm but 13 and it's not possible to be in love when I don't
even know what love is and consists of, and second of all,
I'm dangerously attracted to both of them at the same time.
And that ain't love I'm sure. I need answers, or else my
life and my world will spin out of control. It has already
started to. And yet no one knows the pain I'm suffering,
even though I try to explain it to many people. I hate
this. I cannot wait 'til it's all over with, but it's been
going like this for as long as I can remember. I guess I'll
just have to live with all this but my life will never be
the same
Dark Lord Ducky (8:28:43 PM): dont fell alone my life is in
the shitter
me--------------(8:30:36 PM): yeah i keept thinking this is
normal and everyone goes through this but it seems so weird
to think that
Dark Lord Ducky (8:31:13 PM): it is but i think u r 2
involved
Dark Lord Ducky (8:31:19 PM): take a deep breathe
Dark Lord Ducky (8:31:37 PM): and do wuttava ya need 2 ta
relax
me--------------(8:32:16 PM): im too involved? what?
Dark Lord Ducky (8:32:26 PM): juss relaz
Dark Lord Ducky (8:32:27 PM): x
Dark Lord Ducky (8:32:38 PM): u need ta take this slow and
think it over
Dark Lord Ducky (8:33:28 PM): relax
me--------------(8:33:28 PM): i am relaxed, my heart is
beating slowly, i am not even under pressure i just think
its really hard for me to be in relationships bc well idk
it is just hard for me
Dark Lord Ducky (8:33:43 PM): then dont
me--------------(8:34:02 PM): dont what
Dark Lord Ducky (8:34:16 PM): dont get in relationships
till u r ready
Dark Lord Ducky (8:34:53 PM): u changed ur profile bout me
and i think ideserve it
me--------------(8:35:29 PM): ik i try but shawn likes me
and i like someone else and maybe i like him idk but
everyone is pressuring us to go out but i cant let him down
but i cant go out with him
me--------------(8:35:41 PM): yeah
Dark Lord Ducky (8:36:13 PM): be friends
me------------- (8:36:40 PM): but its too late for that
we're already, idk what to call it, involved i guess
Dark Lord Ducky (8:37:31 PM): dont get wrapped up in
realionships get ur grades up
Dark Lord Ducky (8:37:37 PM): im a hipocrit
me--------------(8:37:54 PM): ummm ok
Dark Lord Ducky (8:38:08 PM): yea
me--------------(8:38:23 PM): how is tami effecting your
grades?
Dark Lord Ducky (8:38:26 PM): dont worry ur fun stay
friends till ur ready
me--------------(8:39:29 PM): hey colin
Dark Lord Ducky (8:40:01 PM): hey
me------------- (8:40:03 PM): we ARE still friends, right?
Dark Lord Ducky (8:40:07 PM): im workin on em
Dark Lord Ducky (8:40:18 PM): they were horrible before her
Dark Lord Ducky (8:40:22 PM): of course
me------------- (8:40:25 PM): oh
Dark Lord Ducky (8:40:33 PM): ur like one of the most fun
girls ik
Dark Lord Ducky (8:40:40 PM): there goin up
Dark Lord Ducky (8:40:43 PM): :-D
me------------- (8:40:50 PM): how so? we hardly do anythin
together
Dark Lord Ducky (8:41:00 PM): so
Dark Lord Ducky (8:41:02 PM): ur fun
me------------- (8:42:23 PM): colin when i say i love yu,
and yu dont say it back, it kills a lil part of me every
time, and plus i feel stupid. i thought we were god friends
so what is up with yu? i could say yu are acting weird but
then again, yu've never acknoweldged it. wanna explain?
please

------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------
Auto response from Dark Lord Ducky (8:42:26 PM): There are
approximatly 100,000 words in the english language. However,
numbers, contrary to words, are infinit. They last forever.
Now, given that
there are only 100,000 words, there would inevitably be a
point where you
run out of words to represent the various numbers. At that
point, you are
forced to create words consisting of different combinations
in length and
size of letters to represent those given numbers, thus,
creating no end to
the amount of words in the world.
------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------

me--------------(8:42:47 PM): good*
Dark Lord Ducky (8:43:05 PM): i luv u 2
Dark Lord Ducky (8:43:33 PM): i really do but u say within
other statments s i respond to the statements
me--------------(8:44:00 PM): yes but would yu have said
that if i hadnt just sent yu that? bc i feel weird
me--------------(8:44:02 PM): what?
me--------------(8:44:07 PM): i m confused
Dark Lord Ducky (8:44:13 PM): i can understand
me--------------(8:45:57 PM): like to all my well most of
my girlfriends i can say it confidently and with some of my
friends that are boys i say it, and with yu idk its an
uneasy feeling,
me--------------(8:46:11 PM): what ar yu talking about
statements?
Dark Lord Ducky (8:46:20 PM): other things
me--------------(8:46:29 PM): ummm ok
Dark Lord Ducky (8:46:45 PM): yea
Dark Lord Ducky (8:48:33 PM): my knuckles r gonna shatter
by 2marrow
me--------------(8:50:37 PM): i hate how i couldnt really
say this to yu in person. or how i cant have decent
conversation with yu in school. i hate when i m mad ta yu
and when yu do things as in drugs gettin high drinking and
such and its too bad bc this friendship is very important
to me and idk somehow its special, i have never really been
friends with guys like yu, idk if thats good or bad.
Dark Lord Ducky (8:51:34 PM): good
Dark Lord Ducky (8:51:45 PM): cuz u can get used to all the
bad stuff
Dark Lord Ducky (8:51:49 PM): im quittin
me--------------(8:52:20 PM): and please dont hurt
yourself, whether it be punching out yur wall or putting
chemicals in yur body, or emotionally bc everyone cares
about yu
me--------------(8:52:24 PM): yes i hope
Dark Lord Ducky (8:52:34 PM): punchin walls
me--------------(8:52:46 PM): or couches or w/e yu do
Dark Lord Ducky (8:52:55 PM): walls mostly
me--------------(8:53:07 PM): i punched my wall once and it
hurt
Dark Lord Ducky (8:53:10 PM): dont worry about me im
cleanin up my act
me--------------(8:53:12 PM): i learned my lesson
m---------------(8:53:19 PM): ok thank yu colin
Dark Lord Ducky (8:53:27 PM): yea
Dark Lord Ducky (8:53:34 PM): u r part of my quittin
Dark Lord Ducky (8:53:37 PM): mostly girls
me--------------(8:53:43 PM): girls?
Dark Lord Ducky (8:53:43 PM): tell me 2 quit
me--------------(8:53:45 PM): tami/
Dark Lord Ducky (8:53:49 PM): yea
me--------------(8:53:53 PM): please quit collin
Dark Lord Ducky (8:53:56 PM): no guys tell me 2 quit
Dark Lord Ducky (8:53:59 PM): o i am
Dark Lord Ducky (8:54:05 PM): wut bout here
me--------------(8:54:14 PM): huh?
Dark Lord Ducky (8:54:38 PM): her
Dark Lord Ducky (8:54:38 PM): u said tami
Dark Lord Ducky (8:54:43 PM): wut about her
me--------------(8:54:59 PM): did she tell yu to stop
Dark Lord Ducky (8:55:57 PM): she dosent know i ever did i
quit somewut cuz of here and i told her not to worry bout
the old me cuz im clean
me--------------(8:56:11 PM): oh
Dark Lord Ducky (8:56:21 PM): yea
Dark Lord Ducky (8:56:32 PM): i have lead a horrible life
recently and its over
me--------------(8:57:09 PM): how come yu never told me
about liking her? i even asked and yu said yu didnt like
anyone
Dark Lord Ducky (8:58:23 PM): do u think im gonna tell u
everything bout my luv life
Dark Lord Ducky (8:58:26 PM): i can some privacy
Dark Lord Ducky (8:58:28 PM): u can 2
me--------------(8:59:28 PM): ok oh ok nvm then
Dark Lord Ducky (8:59:52 PM): yea
Dark Lord Ducky (9:00:04 PM): i can understand were ur
comin from
me--------------(9:00:15 PM): no u cant
me--------------(9:00:20 PM): u never did
Dark Lord Ducky (9:00:21 PM): destroy em
Dark Lord Ducky (9:00:23 PM): srry
me--------------(9:00:27 PM): i dont know why i try
me--------------(9:00:42 PM): fuck off colin
Dark Lord Ducky (9:00:44 PM): cuz u care
Dark Lord Ducky (9:00:49 PM): wut
Dark Lord Ducky (9:00:51 PM): srry
Dark Lord Ducky (9:00:54 PM): wrong im
Dark Lord Ducky signed off at 9:00:59 PM.

and then today (monday)i satyed home from school bc i said
i had a haedache and a stomachashe and some other stuf but
i was really just too upset to go to school. god damn my
life.