gabs916

junglemonkey
2002-02-11 01:07:06 (UTC)

in and out of love

The title does not suggest what you might think. It is
almost a play on the word out. Let me explain...

For the past almost 4 months, I have, deep down
inside, liked the same person (though there have been mild
crushes on others). It has always come back to that same
person. I havent always shown the feelings and those of you
who know me may not actually believe the terrible stuff I
say about him sometimes. And you shouldnt because for the
most part they're not true. I have never been in love. I
dont think I am now...actually I dont see how I possibly
could be at this point. But is there something wrong with
getting to know someone and falling in "like" (for lack of
a better fitting term) with their personality and their
talent and their ways? As sweet as it is to hope for
something to come out of it, it's tremendously self-
exhausting and unbearably frustrating.

Ok..so that was the "in" part...

Last night, a wonderful friend and I were sharing a
conversation over our Natty, and even though she may not
remember it, we both admitted that we had completely fallen
for someone dear in our lives during this first year at
Gettysburg. Drunken realizations are so much fun. But I
am a believer that things said when wasted, are things that
have wanted to come out for a long time. And I feel like
even if someone else came along, I woldnt be able to like
them as much as I like this person. This is where the out
of love comes in. My "love storage" would be empty with no
return input. And all the other person would get is like
the fumes or dust particles of the "storage room." And
that's not fair. For fear of being misunderstood, I hope
my analogy makes sense..if not its because youre not me and
you'll just never understand it. haha :)

For those of yall who read these, I know I havent written
in awhile and sorry to start back up with such heavy
content. And even though it may be entertaining to you,
remember that this is my real life we're talking about
here. No fiction...all fact....jumbled fact, but fact.
Take care!




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