my fake life

if my mom only knew
2001-04-26 20:05:27 (UTC)

Get to know me, before you judge me

Hi, my name is ashley and i saw this and i thought that it
would be cool if i could do this thing online so that i
could let people read all about my life and stuff like that
and also to help me emotionally! Anyways, to begin i am 16
yrs old and i have a pretty stressful life! i play lots of
sports, do lots of stuff for school, make good grades, hang
out with a good group, and party on the weekends! I live in
a kind of small town where everything you do gets told and
my family knows everything about everybody so i have to
watch what i do! my mo thinks that i am an angel still and
i am daddy's lil girl! i am glad but, she would die if she
knew what i really have done! i did something last summer
with my best friend that i regret bad! i had sex for the
first time! it was sweet because we were both virgins but i
was so nervous and so was he but we did it and now i feel
sda, scared, and depressed! all of my friends have sex but
me so i did it i liked it but... i wish i would have
thought more throughly on my descions!! i feel sad because
of what i did and everything!! i also have a drinking
problem although until recently i did not smoke now i do! i
only smoke about once every 2 months!!! i feel bad about
the descions i have made in my life and also ashamed! just
to think you can do anything yoiu want to do in life but...
take back your virginity! i was just stupid!! i have also
had oral sex alot ( a lil to much) even before my first! i
feel in love when i was almost 15 and i mean in love i was
in love with joe and i thought he was in to me and even
though he says he was i know different! i am glad i feel in
love with him he made me stronger!! i wish that we could
still be together because i love him alot still but we will
never go back out!! he and i dont ever talk anymore and i
feel kind of sad even though i know this is how it has to
be! My friends are kind of getting lost it seems like they
are so busy they cant ever do anything! i wish that i could
just start all over again!! my love was the first guy i
ever let touch my body in an intimate way and he was so
mind (and body) pleasing!! he just told me what i needed to
hear to win my mind(and heart) anyways i am going to a ball
game tonight and i am going to see him and as always i will
again wish and feel sad about him but i make it and move on
and live my life day by day. anyways i hope that you
understand me somewhat and maybe my life can help at least
on person (if anyone reads this) anyway i will hopefully
talk to you in a couple of days!!