home from work. home from work..
home from work.
home from work only to begin the process of attepmting to
write a 100 word paper by 10 am tomorrow morning. as well
as prepare for a test. in which i have to write a 250 word
good luck to me.
"So you buried all your lover's clothes
and burned the letters lover wrote,
but it doesn't make it any better.
Does it make it any better?
And the plaster dented from your fist
in the hall where you had your first kiss
reminds you that the memories will fade. "
but, do they really.
work was enjoyable as ever today.
i was working with my favorite person. so, that made it
alright. but it was so slow. so slow. just as it was last
night. and...this slowness is affecting me. theres only so
much you can find to do within the same four walls every
day im there. and cleaning things seems pointless because
next time i work they always seem to be just as dirty as
they were to begin with. and im feeling pretty unproductive.
jen cried all night. and that makes me sad.
im so over the word "depressed".
my back hurts and my neck is almost not turning at all.
im so over pain. physically and mental.
ive been writing in here it seems less and less about
things that carry any kind of substance at all.
after months and months of writing in here.
not much has been solved.
and...not much has really changed.
my life seems static.
the state im always in.
the state everyone else is always in.
green green green grass is green.
day comes day goes.
come go come go.
im not looking forward to writing this paper.
and it sucks. because i really have no idea what im first
off SUPPOSED to be writing about. nor do i have ANY idea
what this whole class is about.
but im good at bullshiting.
sucks that bullshit is all any of this fucking adds up to.
and it sucks that im in the same position that ever other
college kid is in the whole world.
and it sucks..
that after college im going to go out and try to find
myself a semi decent job.
so that...i can live the rest of my life working there. to
pay bills. to people who are working. just like i am..
and then. ill be old and retired.
and too lazy and jaded to do anything.
and then ill die.
my feet hurt and im going to go write this thing now.
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