2002-02-10 07:47:49 (UTC)

ALL I'VE KNOWN..............

Tonite was alright...I guess. Kylah had a little birthday
party, but it ended early because some stupid boys got to
fighting. Niggas always got to mess something up! Anyway, I
talked to Kellen a little tonite. He was on his way back
from a game. He said he liked my email! I was just b-sing
around, but being serious at the same time. ;) I hate not
being able to sleep late at nite. It gets you thinking
about all kind of things. Like, is what I've done the best
choice? Did I make the right decision? Am I gonna come to
regret this? Man, I don't know. I'm just thinking about the
way he use to make me laugh or secretly smile. Am I only
missing all this because it's what was so familiar to
me....or have I made a mistake? I thought I saw him tonite,
but I wasn't all the way sure. I saw him get online earlier
today, but I really didn't think to speak to him. There is
this part of me that honestly doesn't give a shit....but
right now, I miss him. I want to be chatting with him right
now. I was being selfish and I got upset about some other
female(s)...it wasn't like I wanted to be with him. I just
wanted to be the only one he got together with when he came
home. That was selfish of me. It really wasn't the GSU
thing to be honest. That did make me kind of mad, but it's
just the fact that I felt like he was trying to throw other
females in my face. I would just rather not know about
them. I did get upset about stuff like that. I wasn't upset
about what he had up there.....it's just what's down here.
I don't want to feel like I'm being treated special when
you come visit me, then having to think if you have another
stop before you go home. I can't stop myself from thinking
that. And then, stuff that it is said....don't say it if
you don't mean it. Because when that is done and someone
turns around and says you aren't important.....if the time
comes for y'all to be "okay" again....how do you expect
that person to ever believe a word you say when you want to
be truthful?
I'm trying so hard not to contradict myself.....I'm trying
really hard. If I get to the point of thinking that I made
a mistake, then I'll just charge everything to the game.