Crazy Girl

Diving Under
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2002-02-10 07:09:33 (UTC)

No name

I feel as though I should be a nobody wondering the world
for a life and a name that suits me. I shouldnt be in this
body. Crazy, crazy talk! So how are things. I dont really
know. There is so much crap going on. CRAP CRAP CRAP! There
is too much. But I can tell you some of it. Mainly my whole
life. I got in a fight with my mother about my father. Everytime I
talk about the cituation, I get bent out of shape. And
until a recent talk with a friend, who made me relize that
it was ok. But he also made me relize that my fears were
something I needed to get out in the open becuz they
shouldnt happen. (nothing bad!) (well not that bad) He made
me relize a better part of me, that I thought was bad. He
is my friend and I thank him wherever he is. I also learned
that I am needed for other things to.. But it is very hard
to hear some of the things I do. But that is a
resposability I have being a good friend to everyone.. and
being the mother of all.. hehe! Things are hard sometimes because
there is so much faith in you and if you give wrong advice it is all
your fault. I love my friends to death but damn! (hehe) Everything is
wrong right now. My feeling for everything. They feel so off course
like something horrible has happened to me in the past that makes me
hate everone and everything. But I really dont. There is this guy who
I like so much and he toys with my emotions and everything. Sometimes
I dont care.. I want him to speak the words he does to me but
sometimes I just want to hear the sweet nothings he used to speek!
Then the other one who I used to hold so dear to my heart now means
nothing as long as he has her. Nothing to him I am for I can never
measure up. Things will never be the same but dear do I will hold
him. As a friend he will always be. This friend is the one I do not
know. Someone I have lost but havent. I have nothing to gain and
nothing to lose. I am scared that I am going to go and never find my
way. Something I might find and want to take back. I cant say
something and act like it never happened. Life is one big mistake
after another!