The Xdruggie Files
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2002-02-10 05:52:05 (UTC)

Weekend Update

I did my 5th step (admitting to God to ourselves and
another person the exact nature of our wrongs)today with
Lulu. I feel much better b/c of it. That was followed by my
6th and 7th steps which are basically asking God to remove
all our defects of character. Some people have (i guess) a
great revelation at this point. I had hoped that it would
take away my desire to use. It has lessened it, but i still
have fleeting thoughts. I told my counselor the other day
that the only thing that was keeping me clean was the fact
that everyone keeps telling me i am going to relapse. I am
doing it to spite everyone...but it is keeping me clean for
now. Lots of relapse happening in the outpatient program.
It is hard on everyone. I am trying to detach from members
of the group, because I am getting too emotionally
involved. Bubba is staying at the house for now. I have to
watch it with him. I worry (he is out tonight) and I
sometimes feel very emotionally attached to him. So I try
to distance myself, but it is hard. God I never thought
this would happen with a straight guy. I am having coffee
with coach tomorrow. I am worried about him. He is planning
to move to NY or Cali in the next week or so. I hope he is
able to handle all of this. Like i said too emotionally

I don't know if that is good or bad.


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