a little piece of me
2002-02-10 05:00:17 (UTC)

finally left

both of my parents finally left today. so glad to have
time for myself now. i'm so confused about all sorts of
things. i thought i was supposed to get over this bs after
i got into my twenties. why doesn't this shit just go
away? i just keep making mistake after mistake after
mistake. i'd be surprised if i could do one damn thing

jeremy is back in the hospital. he quit taking his meds
and ended up totally flipping out. he told his dad that
i'm the best friend he's ever had. wtf is that? i barely
talk to the guy. he's ok and all. a sweet guy. just i
dunno. i hate to say this, but he's just not smart enough
for me. now, i'm not saying i'm smart by any means, but
he's barely literate. we can only talk about trivial
stuff, or feelings. that's it. nothing serious or half
way intelligent. guess we don't need to be stimulated
intellectually all the time, but whatever.

talked to someone today that i met through here. i'll just
call him t. since that's how he signs most of his entries.
i don't think he likes me very much. hehe i must seem like
a prude to him after our convo today. i've been reading
his entries since he first started writing, and as much as
it's possible, i like the guy. not like crush like, but
like like. he'd be cool to know. plus he used to have a
mohawk, so he gets bonus points :D. god i love those
things. haven't seen one in some time now. going into

today was a lazy ass day. i haven't done jack shit. got
up incredibly early, cause my parents were up really
early. i need sleep so bad i could throw up. speaking of
throwing up, heather isn't feeling very good at all. i
feel terrible. i haven't been around much for her lately.
i've been so selfish the last couple of days. *kicks my
own ass*. must stop that. the urgency for death has gone
away, but i'm not quite happy yet. no where near happy,
but at least i can think about something other than

i shouldn't say this, but i gotta. what i really wanted
this week, more than anything, was for brett to be here. i
wanted him to wrap his arms around me and just let me cry.
he sorta did that once or twice while he was here. it felt
so good to have him so close. i just really miss that.
hell, i'd settle for a really big dog with long legs. i'll
just throw a shirt on it and pretend. cry on the dog.
can't talk back that way. or tell me i'm stupid (not that
brett ever did, so don't think that).

alright i've bitched and whined and moaned and groaned for
long enough. sorry for the long and boring entry. well,
no i'm not. it's my damn diary, and i can't write as
little or as much as i want damn it. but i'm done now.