ICanOnlyBeHele3

Mysterious Attitude
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2002-02-09 23:32:01 (UTC)

Tha Chat and What Happened

Ok... I saved most of tha chat we had. So here it is.. all
sn's were changed...:

*Me: well hey im goin to go...... are u goin to be home
tomorrow?
Andria : nope
Andria : i was bout to im u
*Me: i thought u didnt want to talk thats why i was goin
to go
Andria : no i had to switch s.ns
*Me: ohh ok
*Me: what day will u be home?
Andria : umb....Sunday or monday
*Me: damn
Andria : y?
*Me: cuz i need to talk to u... and bein online isnt goin
to work
*Me: its nuttin bad tho so dont worry bout that.... or
anything mmmmmmmmm like that
*Me: cuz it seems like were not really friends anymore
*Me: its like.... were just here
*Me: ya know what i mean?
Andria : yeah
Andria : sorry i had to go to tha bath room
*Me: its ok
*Me: anyway i wanna find out what really happened.. like
what's been on your mind ... cuz i def know what's on mine
Andria : well tell me
*Me: we've been friendz for a long time... and i dont
think we should let sumthin come between us...
*Me: ok... lets see if i can do this lol
Andria : u was able to let me read them poems u can tell
me this
*Me: aight......... since tha last time u were over
here... i aint goin to lie.... i've been like totally
depressed
*Me: i mean tha day after i was like really bad.... i
didnt talk to anyone
*Me: just basically stayed in my room and just stayed
there
Andria : Y?
*Me: cuz i was pissed off/very hurt
Andria : y was u hurt?
*Me: cuz i felt like u just read it ... and blew it off
basically and that is tha precise reason why i didn't want
to show u them in tha first place
Andria : bc i really just dont want that and i cant handle
that.....
*Me: yea i know that
*Me: and see i dont want it either
*Me: thats why i never told u
Andria : well i cant just let it go back how it use to be
b.c im not confutable anymore
*Me: yea i know that..... and i can understand why
*Me: so eh.... thats why i dont like u anymore
*Me: like that anyway
*Me: thats why I had my friend hook me up with Lydia
Andria : Well why did u bring it up
*Me: and i know i've lost tha only friend i've had all
these years
*Me: when that night??
*Me: cuz u did that night u when home early.... so i
figured if i wrote tha poems...... everything u had asked
me that night could be answered easier that way
Andria : when im ready to stop trippen then it can go back
but its not gunna be any time soon and that doesnt mean i
dont love you*LAS* i dont want u doen stupid shit but hele
u can be with lydia and thats not gunna stop u fm loven me
even tho u say it does but it wont
*Me: to tell u tha truth it does... i literally liked u
for so long ... that it seemed to fade ... like it did with
Arturo...when u realize that tha other person dont feel tha
same.. sumthin deep down inside of u.. turns off all of tha
feelings u once had
*Me: its just one thing i was always able to do
Andria : Well good
Andria : im glad keep it that way
*Me: it took me a good month or so to do it but yea i did
it
*Me: yea i guess
*Me: yea im sure it will stay like that
Andria : GOOD
*Me: yeppers
*Me: glad to see your happy
*Me: i didnt know it would bother u so much
Andria : I guess u dont know me that welll huh?
*Me: i guess not
*Me: i dont think i ever did
Andria : I guess not
*Me: ::shrugs:: i dunno
*Me: all i know is that i fucked up tha friendship
Andria : yipperz....but i allowed it but i can accept it
why cant u?
*Me: accept what?
Andria : us not being tha same?
*Me: i can accept that
Andria : ok then bye
*Me: i just can't believe that it happend thats all
*Me: wait hold on..... are we still friends or what?
Andria : Dude i need some time
*Me: ok bye bye
*Me: take care


So yeah as u can see... I don't think we're going to be
friends anymore. I don't think we ever really were cuz
sumthing like this could not end a friendship that fast.
What she said really hurt me and u can see that I lied to
her bout Lydia. I cried all night and most of the next day.
I ended up cutting myself 4 times on my upper thigh and
putting fingernail polish remover in it. I felt like my
heart was torn from my chest then stepped on, and I'm
trying to decided rather to leave it there in pieces on the
floor or pick them up and attempt to put them back
together. I still have no idea what to do. Like I was
telling Krissy ( my online gurlfriend) It took 7 years to
build a friendship but only 2 months to destroy it :( I've
blocked Andria off my main sn and I don't plan on
calling/seeing her for a LONG time. I'm talkin at least a
year or so. Maybe she will forget bout me and I will forget
bout her. I still have Erica and my other friends, and
that's all I need right now. Eh... what do u know a love
song by N'Sync just came onto my radio. It's called "That's
When I'll Stop Loving You" or sumthing like that... it
really fits whats going on :( Well, I guess I shall end
this entry now. I'm going to try and find the lyrics to
this song and then put them on here. So I'll catch u later
bye bye 4 now


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