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2002-02-09 23:29:24 (UTC)

things went ok the next day. chelsea talked to me alittle,
and mandy said hi. tomorrow i'm going to a my friend
jessica's b-day party. ive never been to her house before.
today my family made me go to the gym. i don't really like
the gym. i guess because i'm always too tired to do the
stuff there. because of my cronic fatigue. my dad is never
around me, and he doesn't know how much it affects my
everyday life. so my mom and dad were in the stupid class
there, and i was really tired, b/c i ran around the track,
and it totally wiped me out. 2 years ago, i could have ran
it and it wouldn't bother me at all. i was also on cross
country. so anyway, i'm sitting there, waiting for them to
get done. and when they do, they start working out on the
bike things. and my mom goes, "theres another class
starting soon, do you want to come?" or something like
that. i say yeah. sure. but really i'm thinking theres no
way i'll be able to do it. i'd probley pass out. then i
say, " when are we leaving, i have to get jessica
something." they just groaned and didn't answer. then my
dad comes over, and sits next to me. he says "you have such
a nasty look on your face." and i go, i'm really tired. he
goes " well you can be really tired all the time and not
look like you don't want to be alive!" i get really pissed
off, and i wanted to say, "well you try it then" but i
didn't. it would make things worse. then my mom leaves, and
my dad goes, "you need to do that class with your mom!!!
you need to do more things with her, and stop worring about
that party!!" or something like that. then he walks away.
what the crap. i do lots of things with my mom. i never
said i wouldn't do that stupid class. if anything, i should
do more things with him. i never even see him hardly. and
they took me to the gym. so of corse i'm not going to be
all hyper. i'm too weak to do things there. i'm too tired.
i can't help it. thats why i'm always at the doctor. they
know that. then, later, i'm so tired. worse than before.
and my dad makes me play basketball. i tried my best. i
really did. and i couldn't throw high enough to hit the
goal. i was simply too weak. 2 years ago, i played
basketball almost everyday. my family was making fun of me, and
was being so rude. i can't stand them. they just don't
understand. then, when we got home, my mom was in this really bad
mood. i was afraid to talk to her, b/c she might get madder. and she
kept on saying these really mean things to my sister. like she
was "stupid" and all this mean stuff. i don't know what her problem
is. my dad doesn't do anything about it. i can't believe him. i saw
melissa crying. i feel so bad. i know she doesn't want me to try and
confert her. she told me that "its almost monday, then everything
will be ok. i'll be at skool." i felt so bad. even worse for her b/c
she was adopted. and i don't want her thinking, "i wish i wasn't
adopted into this family" or something like that. but shes never said
anything about it.