blueswede

coffeehouse conversations

So I went to the Writer's Group meeting tonight, and felt
unbelievably out of place. I had no writing with me to
share with the group as everyone else did. It was mostly
poetry and whatnot. I'm not much of a poet. This was
actually decent stuff, especially compared to the limericks
favored by wiseguys like me. The thing is, I'm not really
that deep, so why try to sound that way?

I met a really cool girl from one of the other high schools
in the area. She knew one of the people in our group, and
since she wanted nothing to do with her school's homecoming
events, she came to our meeting. My initial thoughts were,
"Hey, nice girl who doesn't know me from anyplace. Time to
attempt to be charming!" That fell flat once she mentioned
her boyfriend, who, from her very brief description, sounds
strangely like the sort of person I'd hang out with. Ah
well, she's cool anyway, no shame in having a new friend.

This event brought about a revelation: it's time for me to
get the fuck out of my school. Tonight, I met a girl for
the first time. We didn't know each other at all, and yet
for some reason, I actually had the guts to have a decent
conversation with her. Maybe the group had something to do
with it, but who knows. If she hadn't been seeing someone,
I may have had the guts to try and get something started,
ask for her phone number or something.

The whole thing stood in stark contrast to school, where I
can't work up the guts to converse with a girl I've known
for roughly three years. That happened today. Yes, I am
sort of attracted to this girl at school. Why? Not sure.
She's attractive, but not in the typical "hot girl" sense.
However, she does have very nice eyes, and her hairstyle
suits her very nicely.

It could also be that I see her as more on my level. We're
both somewhat introverted, and neither of us has ever been
to any of the dances. Subconciously, I probably think that
we'd understand each other better than, say, me and a girl
who will talk about shoes for an hour.

The question is, what causes me to be timid in one situation
and outgoing in another? I'm inclined to blame it on the
school environment and the presence of many other people.
Imagine a classroom with at least 12 people sitting around
watching some idiotic "reality TV" dating show on the local
WB affiliate. Now imagine trying to find a way to converse
with someone you're attracted to in that room, especially
when this someone looks about to fall asleep. Not easy.

A coffeehouse, however, is much more conducive to actual
conversation. When I met the girl from the other school, we
were two of about four people present at the meeting. More
people showed up later, but until then, we had a nice chat
about our respective schools. Now I'm convinced that even
if my friend from school had been the one there, we would
have been able to talk about something worthwhile.

It probably relates to my social wiring. I can interact
with a group, and I can interact with an individual person,
but for whatever reason, I have a hard time interacting with
one person out of a group of any decent size. That explains
my difficulty with parties: it's impossible to get any real
interaction with either individuals or the group as a whole.

So why is this? Why do I find it difficult to even talk to
one person out of a decent-size group, while another person
can end up in a relationship with someone they met on the
dance floor at a club? You tell me. If anyone ever figures
this out, they deserve some big-time honors.

This is Dave, signing off.