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2002-02-09 01:16:22 (UTC)

Before Carnival - I really did know I mind

Thursday noon 12:00 rainy afternoon. I have decided to meet
my friend Mel at her high school. I went steps to hill where
school was. Some streets trees and parking lots. A park with
trees could see from street. Almost in corner I saw school.
I thought if her had just gone using a school bus. There was
many people in other side of street of school. Maybe she
was there. I realized if some of those people was her. I
felt shy because I thought if she would blame me. She thinks
I may not be there without asking her before. I was wrong.
She came wet in rain. Later I told her I went to meet at
school. She asked me how I had gone. I answered by steps.
She asked me when. I told her the time. She spoke she was
coming and why I did not wait for her. I told may I saw her.
She asked why I did not try to find her at those people in
front of school. I told her I was shy. I did not tell her
I was shy because of she was meaning to deny me. She really
told me I was welcome to help her. Well I always had known
it. But I still guile myself with words and thoughts.
Instead of feeling what my heart says.
Friday she and her friend Carol were gone to the beaches.
They will enjoy the Carnival. I hope it be good for them.
Not odds trying to drag her dreams away. She had come to me
last year. Helped me but she was really asking me for
salvation. Some kind of hope I could show her. I only could
give her hope that someday I would learn to love myself and
meet her in a brighter day. In my life I liked so much
people I did not like. People that had not about me. Because
when I was not minding about my feelings they was minding
all their lifes for me. To know it every had last so much
till they had gone without hope in true love. Tomorrow I
will be alone because my truly friends I mind about there
will be not here. Sometimes I had wanted they just be happy
by themselves and forget. It nuts because they found me as
way to be free and happy.

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