Adventures in Incompetence
Drama in the life of a catholic schoolgirl...
Wow folks, it's been a while...
I've got good gossip! Gee, that's a rarity. But I'm kind of
out of the social loop at school, seeing as how I have a
reputation for being a pseudo-lesbian-mysanthrope.
Nonetheless, this time I have prevailed!
Now, on to the dirt...
Item #1: It has come to my attention that a girl who, for
anonymity purposes we shall call "Ms. GT" (Miss
goody-twoshoes), has had an abortion. Yes, you read
me right. I suppose that it's not such a huge deal for
you hardened public-school punks, but in my relatively
sheltered 11th grade existence, an abortion makes
quite the gossip-fodder. What makes this case
especially titillating is the fact that, had I not heard it
from a *very* reliable source who was present at the
time, I would not have believed it for a second. Ms GT is
such a perky little bubblegum christian! She wears a
cross to school every day. She sucks up to all the
teachers (or tries, at least). Never wears slutty clothes.
Has a boyfriend who is also christian. Is in a church
youth group. Who knew she was having wild monkey
sex on the side? I sure wouldn't have guessed it.
Anyway, she had the abortion on the last day of
semester exams this year. Her loving boyfriend was,
sadly enough, too occupied to accompany her to the
clinic. Now *that's* shitty. I bet their relationship is in the
Item #2: Rev up your engines, it's time for some
HOT STEAMY LESBIAN DILDO ACTION!!!! (are you
interested yet?). No, I didn't just say that to get your
attention. Believe it or not, I actually have information on
the aforementioned activities!! Going to an all-girls'
school, there's bound to be at least a certain amount of
"lesbian" rumors going around. But it's rare when you
get COLD HARD EVIDENCE!! That's right folks, straight
from the horse's mouth. Let's get on with it, shall we? .
There are two girls in the senior class who I'll call "Slut"
and "Jane" (I hate one of them, like the other one.
Guess which is which...) Slut hangs out with my group
of friends quite a bit, unfortunately. Jane eats lunch with
us, but isn't as much a part of our group as Slut is. On
various occasions Slut has expressed her blatant
disgust whenever I make joking overtures towards her
or any other girls (have to keep up that lesbian image).
Actually, I frequently 'hit on' Slut just because it makes
her so grossed out (fucking bitch).
Well, one day I'm speaking with a *very* good friend of
Slut's, and she lets it slip that Slut has "experimented"
with Jane. Mwahahahaha. How does she know this?
Both Slut *and* Jane confided in her (because she's
bisexual, so she's very knowledgeable about stuff)
about their hanky-panky. They went to middle school
together, and had LOTS of sleepovers. Well in the 7th
grade they got curious, and decided to use each other
as guinea pigs. By 8th grade they were fucking each
other with dildos and eating pussy like it was going out
of style. (Yes, it's a little hard to believe. But I have
details and all evidence points to this conclusion). The
only thing is, Slut was really the only one who was
enjoying it. She pressured Jane into it from the start. It
seems that Jane never really got off on it, and was only
doing it because of Slut. And from what I hear, Slut is a
serious horndog. She can get off on anything. We're
talking multi-orgasmic. Too bad she could never return
the favor for Jane. What a bitch!! That's so selfish!!!
Flash forward to the present. Jane and Slut don't talk
much to each other. Jane is confused about her
sexuality, and Slut acts homophobic, and has a
penchant for Nordstrom restrooms. Bah. Life is strange
Item #3: I was speaking with a girl about her sexual
habits, and she started telling me about all the weird
places she and her boyfriend have had sex. Don't you
just love stories like that? It's amazing what people will
do when they're in the mood. Anyway, one time they
were doing something at their church, and they 'felt the
urge', so they snuck out and had sex on the floor of a
private church bathroom. Her thoughts on the
experience: "The floor was really cold." But that wasn't
the strangest thing they've done. No, no. One time they
were in the back seat of her mom's car while her
mother drove some friends home. So they're driving
along, and she's sitting on his lap. Uh-oh! What's that
poking you in the back? Is that a gun in your pocket or
are you just happy to see me? ..... he was happy to see
her. Skirts are incredibly easy-access for little trysts, so
she bit down on his finger and inconspicuously rode
him to town... while her mother was driving in the front
seat! Wow, now *that's* balls. She's my hero.
That's all I have for this week. If I get more, I'll update!
Bumblebee's word of advice: Did you know that Elvis
Presley was uncircumcized? True fact. That's not
advice, but I thought it was interesting. Ciao!