the expunged refuse of my evil mind
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2002-02-09 02:24:02 (UTC)

the soap opera of my life

ugh, thats all that i can say.
morgan. thats what this is all about. my first real girlfriend who i
never got over. we broke up almost 2 years ago. i never stopped
loving her. i need her right now more then ever. ive been waiting
for her to break up with her boyfriend right now so that i could
move in. but today eeeeeeverything changed. shermie has been
hanging around me alot latley, and today, she told me that she
had feelings for me. shermie and morgan are good friends. i
said i diddnt feel the same way, she was kinda sad i guess but
she respected the way that i feel. i told her later that i had a good
reason why i couldnt reciprocate her feelings. i told her about
morgan. after she told me that she lked me, i told matt about
what she told me. matt then proceeded to tell me that he liked
morgan too, and that she liked him. i couldnt tell him to lay off, he
got to her first. i wasnt mad, just really disappointed to say the
least. i had a long talk with sherman at lunch, she said that she
wanted me to be happy, and that i should go for morgan. i
coulndt do that to matt, hes one of my best friends, i would
never.same situation with me, alex and shonee. i love alex with
all my heart. so does shonee. ill never interfeere. its just my way.
i guess i sacrifice my happiness so other people can be happy,
or so sherman says. she also made me realize how fucking
miserable i have been without anyone. amanda was there. she
helped me , but that was kinda the same as when i went out with
morgan for the first time. she was soo sad because of her
parents, the both of them were. that brought me down both
times. but when i went out with morgan, i was suicidal. if i stayed
with her, i might have done something that would be
irreversable, something final. so i have no idea what the hell i
should do now. there is no simple solution. this is not a simple
problem. i cant take this crap for much longer. ive wanted her for
two years. i think that it might be time for me to be happy. but i
reallly cant hurt anyone. its not my style.

any suggestions?