2002-02-09 02:10:29 (UTC)


I hate the way you love me
I hate the way you care about me
I hate how your kisses feel so good
I hate the feelings I get when you hold me
I hate how your hugs feel like they are protecting me
I hate how you can touch me and my body longs for you
I hate always wanting you when we're not together
I hate having my every thought about you
I hate when I have to leave you
I hate knowing about you
I hate the way you touch me and I can't control my feelings
I hate knowing that everytime were together I have to leave
I hate loving you
I hate how I gave up everything for you
I hate relying on one person
I hate it
I hate you

I am sorry but I have to hate you. I have to hate you
because that is the only thing that can make leaving you
easier. I never wanted to end everything like this. Not
through your damn pager and this diary. But I know you
would try to stop me if I said it in person. I have to. I
love you to much to end up losing you in forever. You
always promised me we would be together always, and then
today you told me we couldn't be together always. You used
to tell me one day when you got your husband, but never did
you tell me it would end between us. I want you forever
Justene. I would take the $5 in my wallett and I would find
a way out of here and take you with me if I could keep you
forever. So many times I have sat here at this computer
thinking about how to ask you to run away with me. Just so
I could be with you. I have talked about leaving with you
in my diary in hopes that I could get some answer out of
what you thought without scaring you. I have cried myself
to sleep so many nights wanting you to be beside me. I have
sat on my dresser staring out at the stars ready to jump
out the window and ask you to leave with me. I never left
on my own because I could never leave you. Now I am leaving
you. I am going to run. Not tonight, but one night, without
you, I am going to sit there and the feelings are going to
overcome me so much I am going to leave. Just because I
loved you to much