Ophelia

i wanna go home

april 25, 6:05 p.m.
song of the moment: jupiter crash by the cure

i just said the funniest thing. i was talking to my friend
and i told her "i want to go home" and i really meant it,
with every bit of passion i have. and i meant as much as
anything else. i really desperately wanted to go home. and
then it hit me that i am home. perhaps i am somewhat aware
that i am in this building which i happen to live in. and i
am physically aware of where i am, the ceiling is about me
and my fingers are typing these words and its a bit too
cold so maybe i should turn off the air conditioner. but i
dont associate being here with that whole idealistic sense
of "home". i dont feel that security or comfort here. if
anything i feel scrutinized. but where else is there? i
really do want to go home. but this is home. maybe
everything would be ok if i didnt think about things so
much. maybe everything would be better. if only i would
pretend that i didnt notice any of this. but the fact of
the matter is that i do. and if i didnt i wouldnt be who i
am. and in all honesty, contrary to whatever message what i
write here may convey, i like being who i am. its not
always the easiest thing to be. i'll admit that it would be
so much rediculously easier to ignore everything. and i
dont know why i dont. i suppose its just not my nature. it
all goes back to my whole debate about being naive as
opposed to being jaded...but thats a whole other entry, one
that i have already written...love peace empathy mischief
desire and gladness forever to everyone...if anyones even
reading this