a little piece of me
2002-02-08 19:09:04 (UTC)

did i make a mistake?

last night i talked to brett. i told him that i would
never be talking to him again. as much as that sucks, i
think it's what i had to do. i hate to not have him in my
life, but i don't think i can have him in it. i'm not in
love with him anymore. i haven't been for a while now.
but i do love him still. he just doesn't understand me.
plus, i've caused him so much pain and trouble. talking to
him just reminds me of how badly i screwed up and what i'm
missing out on. i'm not sure if i did the right thing or
not. i really have no clue.

anyway, my parents are both here now. both taking naps. i
really feel like i've let them down. that i'm a huge
disappointment. why couldn't i be normal? why do i get
this way? i really don't like being down. i still think
about suicide. i didn't sleep last night. it's getting
worse. i didn't want help, but maybe i really should
some. i mean, i guess i need to get it in my thick skull
that there is at least one person that cares about me.
that should be enough, right? sometimes it's just really
hard. i expect everyone else to fix this problem, when
really i'm the only one that can.

well, i spose that's enough for now. the parents will be
getting up soon. take care everyone. hi heather. sorry i
haven't talked to you lately. scott, thanks again :).