2002-02-08 17:01:05 (UTC)

I feel... absolute shit

I can't wait to get home to my precious solitude. I don't
know what has brought this on, but I feel like hitting
someone. I also at the same time feel like I'm on the
verge of tears and screaming and tearing my brain out of my
head so I don't have to listen to anyone anymore.

I'll put the whole long thing I just wrote duing lunch in
here when I get home.

I guess I'm afraid of people here knowing how I really
feel... Kinda stupid huh? I talk a lot of shit about how
I don't care and all that crap but the truth is that I do
care and I HATE myself for caring!!!

I'm too emotional. I always have been and I always will
be. Nobody can understand that. I am just so glad its
friday and that I can go home in a couple of hours. Just
two more hours and then I can be alone.

I love being alone. I can say anything to myself and it
doesn't matter because I don't pass judgement on myself
like everyone else feels that it's their f*ckin job to do.
I'm so happy when I'm alone or with Travis. I love Travis
because he's just like me. He doesn't make me feel the way
everyone else does. He doesn't make me feel uneasy.

I just wish I knew what's wrong with me...

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