sassysag1219

Emotional .....

I sometimes sit here and wish I can go back in time...and
take back all the things Ive done wrong in my life, all the
times I put my foot in my mouth...it makes me so sad that
Damien says he doesnt trust me or confide me...he used to
tell me everything he was feeling, everyhting that was
going on , everything...I felt we had no secrets..but NOW
things are quite different...I guess there is no one to
blame but me...I understand why he doesnt confide me, but
there are some things that shouldnt be left unsaid, even if
its to avoid arguing....Maybe I should take my own advise,
but how do I tell him how I feel about things, about
certain people, without turning it into an arguement..that
would be close to impossible...too many raw emotions.! I
feel as if I have no control over my feelings, and I lose
that composure every single time "someones" name is
mentioned...why...I dont know. I wish I can just let it
go...but how?
You know I dont want to write about this anymore...I feel
like crying I am so sad. All I want is to have a well-
rounded, full of trust and fun kind of a relationship...we
are so past the "boyfriend/girlfriend" stage, that we
shouldnt be having problems communicating anything to each
other...but as they say, maybe some things are better left
unsaid....I mean I just wish I can get inside Damiens head
sometimes, and he inside of mine. Anyway, I just want to
have peace of mind....no, what I REALLY WANT is to be 120
pounds....thats a whole another story...Eating cookies
arent sure helping get there...I need some
motivation...some reassurance, some TIME.....If I only had
the body I waanted....trust me Damien wouldnt have to look
at anyone or anywhere....I would have such a different
outlook on things, and I would be the person I really want
to be....no holds bar- no inhibitions!!!!!! I realy have to
do something about this PROBLEM.... I know Damien loves me
and doesnt complain....hes just used to me, but does he
REALLY like what he sees....how can he when I, MYSELF cant
stand my body....DAMN...i didnt want to write anyting about
this....so enough writing...I gotta go...
Thursday....2/7/2002
Weight- 143 ---I gained 3 pounds GREAT!!! FUUUUUUUUCK!

Damien Damien Damien Damien Damien Damien Damien Damien!!!!