The Story of Me
2002-02-07 19:25:06 (UTC)

It's Me Time

Well, I went to the fertility doc on Monday. Things went
well and I have been started on a plan of attack to become
pregnant. I am very excited:) I wonder if we will have the
same results as last time, yet, I also find myself being
incredibly optimistic. I have told friends and family about
it all and have met with unyeilding support.

*looking over my shoulder and out the window*
The Druids next door are home. I call them Druids because
someone wears a long black hooded coat, hooded like the
Grim Reaper. They kinda creep me out, but stimulate
imagination. hehe I wonder if they are nice people, but I
have much more fun staring at thier flower beds and
wondering if more than just seeds get buried there in the
spring. LOL I am such a retard... but it would make a
great storyline. Doncha think?

Back to the baby news. The doc is starting me on an oral
ovulation drug on Saturday. I was on this one before, but I
was also 50 pounds heavier. At any rate, we are going to go
with this one *and if it proves successful in making me
ovulate* we wil go ahead with intrauterine insemination.
We'll try this for two months, then if we still meet with
noting, we are going to switch to the injectables.
*shivers* Needles...*more shivers* I asked on of the
nurses I work with to do them for me. You should have seen
the shit eating grin spread over her face:) She's a
grandma, with more fire than most teenagers. A gossip
queen, a good boss, a great friend:) My scheduler even
offered to give me days off for when Frank and I need to run
home and...uh... paint. Yeah. That what we'll call it.
Painting. LOL

My mom and step-dad are very excited for us. They even
supported me when I wanted to buy some pictures for the
nursery. I felt a little foolish, but they were steadfast.
I haven't talked to my dad about being back on fertility
treatment. I wonder why? Maybe because I see my dad as a
Man's Man and talk about periods and ovulation, and Painting
*giggles* strikes me as odd. Then again, he did give my
step-sister her sex talk. Who knows, maybe I am the one
putting up the barriers these days instead of him? I sent
him an e-card yesterday telling him that I am looking
forward to spending time with him agin this summer. I love
racing. I love spending the time with Dad. Being his
tomboy daughter, who paints...a lot. LOL I just live for
those special moments when he walks into the trailor,
chomping his gum giving me the toothy grin that is all force
to put an exclamation point on a hard day's work.
Sarcastic, yet funny as all hell when someone does it back
to you. The same toothy grin I have seen in my own
reflection. Just last week, Frank said to me, "When you are
pleased or amused with yourself, you give this crooked smug
grin. It looks like someone else's I know." I laughed,
then realized I was grinning crookedly. I wonder if his
grand-child will inherit these traits? I hope so...:)

So more about Monica. Last time I talked to her, she said
she'd call me the next night. That was about a week ago and
no phone call. It bothers me less today than it did last
time I ranted, raved and rambled on. I did manage to let
her know I was hurt that she blew off my birthday. She made
some pathetic apologies and I knew they weren't heartfelt.
Time to cut this one loose? Probably. I see a friendship
drowning instead of thriving. Could it have been avoided?
Probably. Is it better this way? I think so. Easier on
Frank not to have to live with her ghost in my head. The
dreams of her have been slowly subsiding. About one or two
a week now versus having them every fucking night. Easier
on her not to have to explain to me her lifestyle choices,
and easier on myself. One less person to worry about
keeping happy. It's Me Time now. Christ that feels good.
Not to say I don't miss her, because naturally, one will go
through that when such high emotions were involved. But I
think it just might be better all around if we all stayed in
our respective corners.

Nuff fer now. Thanks for listening:)