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2002-02-07 17:13:38 (UTC)

just got home from school. im..

just got home from school.
im not tired.
but im not awake.
im not anything.
im just here.
just here like always.
just here sitting typing.
hitting keys on a keyboard that cause little balck
squiggles to show up on this computer screen.
which is just a bunch of electronic bullshit anyway
i dont know what im doing.
i feel so..
just nothing. nothing.
i dont feel anything.
everyday feels like its the same.
the same bullshit.
with a different tune.
but its all the same right.
i need a change.
i need something
im loosing my mind
its all rainy.
and i dont want it to be.
i want it to be bright and sunny
but its not.
its icky.
and that just adds to my mood of the day.
i dont want ot go to work today and i have to leave in
about an hour.
my mom is making me lunch shes so cute and i love her so

i dont think that i can do this.
i dont.
its taking such a huge toll on me
and theres nothing that i can do about it
why are my emotions so insanely strong sometimes
when i can go for weeks months years without feeling a thing
its liek thats what i retreat to when i cant handle the
situations that present themselves
and the people that are offering suggestions
arent the right people.
and its not the same.
and its good to hear.
but it doesnt change or help anything

ill just keep waiting.
because thats all i can do.