Christine

Visions Of Life
2002-02-07 14:33:45 (UTC)

~Clan Of The Cave Bear~

2-7-02
7:00am

My love life resembles the Earths Children series. *laughs*
Except Im not getting mated.. I find it amusing in a way. I
was told there were also similarities between my fantasy
life and the life of Ayla and now that I have read the 4
books, I see them and it makes me smile in some sick,
demented way. Thank you love for recomending the books
(normally I wouldnt call him that and would deserved to be
smacked if it did but in the absence of a name, I am at a
loss for words). The only annoying thing about the books is
i need to know about the people Ayla was born to and the
author is withholding this crucial information. Tragic! I
am going to be through with the Dark Tower books next week
and I will be at a literary loss. No more Ayla, no more
Roland, no more vampires or witches. Its almost
depressing.. But it will give me time to finish reading all
of Steven Kings novels and maybe delve into some classic
literature. I have a few books in mind...

I am no longer stressed.. Well, I am but barely. The money
situation is managable, my job is less stressful, im not
currently bickering with my boyfriend, havnt heard anything
from my resumes but I am not too stressed about that. The
right job for me will come in due time.

Read an entry on my discussion board and am a little
pissed. I can deal and find amusement in arguments about
religion and politics but I am not amused when a stranger
writes directly to me, "thats not love you feel, its lust,
ifatuation and desperation..." I dont think so. Only two
people know for sure if its love and it pisses me off that
some asshole is telling me what I feel. See, i told ya
people always tell me that what I feel is wrong. Damn them.
Then of course, lil insecure Me thinks "wait.. what if my
feelings were lying too" I have loved him for two years and
if it was desperation or infatuation, i would have left
long ago. My "infatuations" dont last long. As for lust..
there is always lust in a relationship. If you didnt want
eachother sexually, the relationship would fail. Okay, end
of lecturing no one in particular..

My manager decided to come in at 4am this morning. I think
he was trying to catch us doing something naughty but I
dont know. It was odd. He comes in, assuming that our work
wouldnt be done and of course it was except for helping
residents at 5am. He gives me a project to do tonight. I
dont think he expected me to be as excited over it as I
was. I am a strange one. I LOVE special projects. I was the
one at my old job, sorting and alphabetizing just for the
hell of it. I know, I have issues.. I even offered to do
his part of the project for him but I dont think he liked
the idea of me using his computer. Oh well, his loss.

I am keeping an open mind about him. He earned the respect
of one of my favorite residents and to impress her, you
must be intelligent. As long as he doesnt resort to evil, illegal
practices, I will be okay.. I still think he is an ass
kisser/pussy licker.. how ever you wanna look at it, but if
there is some intelligence in him like this residents says,
he will hopefully realize the error in his ideas and also
stand up to the ignorance of his manager. Sometimes you
need to go against your manager and do what is right,
especially when peoples lives are involved.. I mean this
literally..

My new work plan.. I am going to make my manager love me to
death so when I leave, he will be fucked.. Bitter? Yes I
am. Why? Lots of reasons.. Most of them are legitimate too.
Plus I dont like being disrespected and treated like Im
lower on the food chain then shit... Male arrogance..
*shakes head*

Okay, I was thinking again on my drive home.. I probally
shouldnt be thinking deep and/or weird thoughts while
driving and singing def leppard songs but I cant stop my
mind from running its course.. I was thinking about what it
is that my residents love about me. I mean, some even
request that I give them their meds. And thats handing them
a cup. I figured it out. Residents like me because I
actually talk to them and I listen to them when they talk.
I have some strange gift for searching out a residents
interests and engaging in conversation about things they
feel passionatly about. I also know when to be silent. I
also am able to discuss a wide variety of topics. Take this
morning for example. I was discussing childbirth and breast
feeding with a resident. How this happened I do not know.
But she was pleased and just the thought of babies and
sharing her knowledge lit her eyes up. I cant apply this
gift to any other age group. I am much too shy but I have
this connection with the elderly..

Part of me does not want to quit my job but I must.. No
hurry tho..




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