Like A Frightened Rabbit
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2002-02-07 10:58:50 (UTC)


hi. i feel like shit today. dunno why. been thinking too
much i guess. thinking about surviving, i mean i have
survived sum heavy shit, bt what for...i mean was it really
worth it. did i take the hard road just to end up back at
the start post, the easy road infront of me once again.? am
i too blind to realise that i am blind? i walk down this
road a hundred times, i have seen every corner before, i
have crossed every crack in the pavement before, but they
still trip me up. then i fall over, and instead of lying
there, and excepting defeat, i get up and carry
on...stupidly, knowing full well that this time tomorro i
will fall again. my knees are so scarred by the times i
have fallen down, and my heart is so tired that i can
hardly keep moving. i dream constantly now. i spend so very
little time in the real world. i much prefer the other
world. but while i'm in there, out here i'm fading. i came
back today. i don't like it here. i can see every little
bug and piece of shit on the floor, every little impurity
in people...why can't i see the good. the voices have been
getting louder. i think i am going mad. maybe if i went mad
it wouldnt be so hard. i could sit and let myself fade out
here. if i stay in my world too long there will be no use
for me out there. i could stay inside forever, let my body
turn to dust and stay. i'm a dreamer.

ol isn't here today. have to wait another day for my resin.