2002-02-07 05:47:01 (UTC)


I must say that Senior Reception turned out nicely. I had a
good time acting silly with my friends. The DJ sucked, but
we made the best of it. Everyone looked nice and we all
acted the fool. CLASS OF 2002......not too much longer!!!!!
Well afterwards, a lot of people went up to Applebee's and
chilled. To me, it was kind of boring though. When I got
home, I went to go check my email.....and I got an email
from none other....Leroy! I need to start a 1-800-ASK-JLYN
number or something! I knew what it had to deal with before
I even started to read it. Well, I read about two lines and
I had to stop myself and recite THE LORD'S PRAYER. I had to
center my mind on something other than what was going
through it. I wasn't upset....I don't know what emotion I
was feeling. But I continued to read on and at the end of
it all....I just kind of smiled about it. The email was
about my last entry. I mean, he said that if I had
something to say to him, then say it to him...and not the
world....what I said was kind of below the belt....blah,
blah, blah.....and so on and so forth....oh yeah, me
talking to him doesn't mean anything to him, as though I
didn't know that all ready. I mean, I won't take back what I said
because that's how I felt about him. I've put all kind of things in
here about him, and for him to all of a sudden get on to me about
this......it's crazy. If that's how I choose to see someone and they
are suppose to be all nonchalant......charge it to the game! You
can't and won't have everyone on your team at all times. I'm more
puzzled if anything. Leroy isn't suppose to let this phase him. I
shouldn't have even received an email from him or had anything said
to me about it. This is my diary and I know I have the option of
making it private, but I shouldn't have to. I will admit that in the
beginning, I gave Leroy the link to view this. Of course, that's when
he had my heart....and everything else. I know he reads these things.
I even knew he would read my last entry. I won't say that it was done
initially to affect him in any kind of way. I sometimes forget I gave
him the option to read my diary. I only wanted him to read positive
things. I wanted him to know how I was doing because he wasn't hear
to see and I never really talked to him. I mean, my intentions were
to let him know that I had love for him. That I cared. In the
beginning, I would have never thought that I would some negative
things to say about him. Look, I started this whole diary based upon
him.(Damn, where am I going with this?) I don't know man. It just
strikes me as crazy. I emailed him back and spoke directly from my
heart. The space that he occupied is vacant now. I won't be fake
towards him anymore. I guess for a long time(really long)I was
stubborn.....he lost me a while back, but because I was familiar with
him......I kept trying to stay there. I told myself that as "friends"
I would still be there....I even believed in friendship with him, but
that came to be unreal. So, I see I don't need to be there anymore.
Letting someone upset me when I stopped caring a long time ago.