like-a-frightened-rabbit

Like A Frightened Rabbit
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2002-02-06 15:57:16 (UTC)

the next day

last night was ok. i spoke to phil online and he sed he was
doing surprisingly well. he had thought about Mickey a lot
but not the normal, how much i wish he was here, how he
looked when he died etc etc, but more how sweet he was, and
how great it was to have known him. i feel the same. it's
definately got easier. i feel a strange sense of well being
just knowing that things are geting better. not only for me
but for phil too...wotever n e one sez (jen ian etc) i
still care too much about him to let him go. i know wot he
did was rong, but both of us have dun sum stupid shit in
our time, and we're moving on. it duznt mean we cant still
help eachother. we have been there for eacghother wen we
have really needed it...and i mean really needed it. i
remember looking after phil wen he had a bad trip. he was
so scared, and me too, i was terrified, i cud have so
easily walked out, and left him crying there on the sofa,
dragging his own knife across his neck, but i stayed...and
i remember him falling asleep and he was dreaming, but it
was kinda sweet. he was tlking to sumone...his dad i
think...he was telling his dad how much he hated it wen he
wud come into his room at night and touch him under the bed
clothes. he started to stab the sofa and he was
screaming...i stayed with him. i didnt tlk to him about it
in the morning, but i think he knew, i knew....he thanked
me b4 i left, and he sed sumfing i wont ever forget...he sed
"vicki, ur my angel, thankyou"
it was simple, but it meant more that a lot ever has.

i remember him finding me wen i slit my wrists and he held
me until the ambulance came. i remember listening to him
lying to the doctors about my parents so they didnt call
them and i wudnt have to go to therapy...he knows i hated
it. i'll never forget the way he made me laff, even wen i
was weak and losing blood, he still made me laff.

like i sed we've been thru too much together...he's stopped
smack and crack now. he's a stoner once agen...i'm so proud
of him. he's a good kid really.

vicki xx


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