I hate being bored...
I really hate being bored. I've spent the past few weeks
spending all day in the house doing nothing. The main
reason I don't like it is because it gives me too much time
to think about things, and for some reason I always get
thinking about the bad things. Things about my girlfriend
and things that she's said or done that piss me off. And
when I get thinking about them there's so much shit. I
never realised until now. I mean, why the fuck is she with
me. I'm clearly not the one she wants but she's still here
just making us both feel bad and then going off behind my
back with her ex's and people she works with. I know she's
not cheating on me but that doesn't stop her being happy
around them and not me. I know it's a good thing that she's
happy but why is she with me if I'm the one thing not
making her happy? It makes me feel really alone. She seems
to get on so well with every other guy she meets but she's
chosen to be with me. Why? I can't figure it out.
At the moment she's going through a thing of she's really
fat and ugly. It's total bullshit, she's beautiful and sexy
and gorgeous but no matter what I say she won't believe me.
She's told me in the past that if her ex tells her she's
beautiful then she loves it, so why not when I say it? I
wish I had someone to talk to about this shit but I can't
talk to her about it cos she'll get pissy with me and I
hate that, and none of my old friends talk to me any more
so I can't really win. This makes me think it over more and
mroe in my head and that just gets me more and more
Ain't life great.....